Bullshit Storm Revisited: How I got through it.

Those of you who read my previous post on this situation may be curious as to how I resolved it. I don’t have all the answers, but here’s my best attempt at an explanation.

One thing that you have to understand is that the line between love and hate is very thin. When you feel emotions for someone, those emotions can very easily be converted back and forth. People think that love and hate are opposites, when in fact the opposite of both love and hate is indifference. My girlfriend kept telling me that she hated me during the situation, and while that’s obviously painful for me to hear, in the back of my mind it was always a sign that there’s still a chance.

One thing that never happened during her period of anger was she never ignored my calls and text messages. As angry as she was, she never decided, fuck him, I’m going to make him suffer. If that were to happen, as a guy you have to just give her space and take your mind off of it. When you do start talking to her again, you have to just make sure that you act as if this never happened, not necessarily ignoring the conversation, but at least with your voice tonality.

Anyway, since she continued to talk to me during the situation, it was easier to talk her through it. I think part of the moral of the story is that love conquers all, and even though she was angry at me and thought that I was up to shenanigans, she still had feelings and so it was never really dead. The only thing that I had to convince her of was that I really do love her and care about her, which plays directly into trusting me. The trick to this is to be honest (as usual). I made it clear that I was sorry that I made her feel like she can’t trust me by messaging other women when I thought it was over, but I do not believe that what I did was wrong although I wouldn’t do it again because my feelings for her are much stronger now than the were. I also made it clear that the thing about me talking to her friend is totally fabricated and while I would understand her being so upset if it were true, it clearly isn’t and so it’s really something that I can’t apologize for.

Clearly saying this once is not going to make it better, but by saying it multiple times in different ways with time helps. There were two other things I did in the meantime as well. First, I sprinkled in anecdotal stories tangentally related that were filled with emotion to rebuild/amplify that connection. Second, from time to time I had her articulate exactly what was bothering her to me, and then deal with the specific issues in a logical way as they come up. It is incredible how powerful it can be when you have someone vocalize their concerns, problems, to-do’s, etc. When these things are kept pent up in ones mind, they build on themselves and seem impossible to get past. When you get them out, they seem much more manageable.

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