LR: Bathroom at the Swallowschween Party

I know it probably seems like I have fallen off the face off the face of the earth. I assure you that isn’t the case. I have been very busy though. Living the single lifestyle with a full time job makes it more difficult to find time for a blog. Also, over the last two weeks I have bankrupted my gambling account (this season has been out of hand the last few weeks) and am not going to re-up until the playoffs as I have lost all of the money that I allocated to gambling for this season.

So it looks like things with Rian and I are over, we had a two week breakup process that didn’t end favorably, and while I am no where near over her, I am certainly enjoying being single again. When you’re in a relationship, there is definitely a lot of benefits, and there is nothing like sleeping with a girl who you have feelings for and care deeply about; having said that, the sense of accomplishment that you get from picking up a new girl and bedding her is something that I definitely missed.

Anyway, I have been back on match and taking full advantage, although I am not getting the same proportion of responses that I used to get with the same profile, pictures and emails that were working 4 months ago. I’ve begun tweaking my profile a bit and I just bought a new digital camera (the Sony t700, review coming in a week or two after I get a chance to use it) and a Gorillapod for taking some good solo pictures. Sometime this week I will spend some time taking new pictures which will hopefully get my quality back to where it was. Despite my poor response rate, I have still had my share of fun with match girls, and for whatever reason once they do respond I have been getting them on dates and in bed MUCH faster than I was before. I’m always working to improve my game, but for whatever reason since getting out of this last relationship my kino-escalation has been totally on point and I am consistently making out with girls within the first hour of meeting them for the first time and laying them within 3.

But the lay that I want to talk about is far more interesting than any of those. It took place at the Swallowschween Party hosted by Maxim Radio’s Covino and Rich.

If you’re looking to get laid at a Halloween party, costume choice is critical. Never dress in something too gruesome looking as it will totally turn women off. You want to dress as a character that women associate with being sexy, but you don’t want to be dressed like anyone else at the party. Also, no masks guys. Seriously. You have to take it off for any woman to even consider having sex with you anyway.

I chose to dress as alternative rock rockstar (think Pete Wentz from Fallout Boy). The beauty of this was that I didn’t have to change up my style too much. I already wear skinny jeans, as any guy looking to get laid consistantly with a tall and slender body should, and I just pulled out one of my buttondowns and a vest. To make it work, I did have to make some changes though. I put on guyliner and black nailpolish, and straight-ironed my hair. I did consider dying my hair black and putting on white makeup, but that would have been too much work. The negative: no one really knew what I was and pretty much thought that I wasn’t wearing a costume. The positive: when gave my 20 second explanation they got it and didn’t ask about it again.

I roll into the party at about 11:15. I thought I would be really early and it would be awkward for a while but it was already hopping. Perfect timing. I go over and say hi to Covino and Rich, who recognized me instantly, which surprised me a little since I hadn’t seen them in over a year and i was wearing guyliner and rocking a totally different hairdo than last time we met. I talk to them a little, Covino introduces me to his girlfriend Layla Kayleigh, I say hi to Spot the producer, shoot the shit with him for a bit. Then I start talking to Sami J, the former producer of the show, also formerly of G4TV. I talk to him for 5-10 minutes before deciding it’s time to start gaming.

I alternate between going direct and indirect, depending on what I’m feeling in the particular situation. I always find that direct is great for stopping someone, and indirect is better for a group that’s already situated, particularly as their converstaion dies for a second. Typically even after going direct I would still stack into an indirect opener for discussion.

Anyway, my direct opener is always “Excuse me *hand on shoulder to get eye contact/attention*, sorry to interrupt, but you are SO, FUCKING, cute/adorable. (thank you) I had to come over and talk to you. I’m Hammer. The indirect opener I was using for the night was related to a WSJ article I read on Friday. I would say, “Hey guys, do you think vampires are hot/sexy? (she answers) I ask because I was reading this article in the Wall Street Journal yesterday that was talking about how Vampires are the new masculine sex symbol. What do you think about that? (she answers, I make fun of her for her answer while kinoing, she laughs) The article talked about this new series on HBO called ‘True Blood,’ I’m not sure if you’ve heard of it, and this romance novel series called Twillight.”

Anyway. that was basically the extent of the canned material that I was using, and if I ran out of something to say I would tell her that I have a dealbreaker question for her and ask her if she’s ready for it, then ask her who her favorite Sesame Street character was. That’s a whole routine that I made up for online dating and I should talk about it at some point because women find it very interesting and funny at the same time.

Anyway, I see a two set. I open them with Hot Vamp, start talking to them, ask how they know eachother, find out that they are best friends with Coley Biggins from the Sirius Hits One Morning Mashup. Within two minutes talking to me one of them references her boyfriend, the other doesn’t say anything, so I shift my focus and do a body-block isolation of the single one. I find out she’s a social worker, start talking about how my mom’s a social worker, and was then going to go into how this makes her a Lover personality type and I’m a warrior personality type so we might get along well (thanks Dr. Paul). I’m talking to her and kinoing side to side, when all of the sudden Coley comes in from behind and pulls the friend away. Lame.

I walk away and whisper to Sami J that she just cockblocked the shit out of me, and move on. I start talking to some of the dudes there about their costumes, then jump over and open a couple of girls sitting on a couch telling them they look bored. They have thick accents and are apparently models who were doing a fashion show before I got there. I’m getting shitty responses, I walk out.

I talk to Rich about how I think they should make the WSJ vampire article a show discussion topic since they talk about “True Blood” all the time on the show, when all of the sudden I get openned by a hot girl who I’ve never met, “Hi Geoff.” “Hi, how do you know me?” It turns out it’s their old intern, Sassy Cat, who I have talked to a lot on aim during their show and facebook independently of the show. I totally recognized her right away but pretended I didn’t until she introduced herself. She’s looking out of control hot and I decide that I want to get with her. Then her boyfriend comes in and she introduces him to me. I decide there’s no way that I’m going to hook up with her tonight but I will build attraction over the course of the night because this guy, while nice, is kind of lame and she’s definitely not that into him, and that I’m going to try to steal her over the course of the next couple of weeks.

Anyway, other stuff happens, I open more sets, get bored and move on, but always leaving the possibility to come back in. I decide to start a dancefloor in the back, and proceed to do so. Soon we’ve got a good 20-30 people dancing and I start trying to pull girls I previously talked to onto the dance floor, some successfully others not so much. Anyway, enough with the buildup, let’s get to the lay.

I see a girl standing by herself with a drink in hand who’s pretty hot. Definitely at least an 8 on anyone’s scale and she was my type with the blue eyes, brown hair, freckles, and a tight little body.

Hammer: Hey, you look bored.

HB: Yea I’m just waiting for my friend.

Hammer: You are so, fucking, cute.

HB: Oh thank you *smile*

Hammer: I’m Hammer.

HB: I’m HB.

Her friend comes in, She’s not nearly as hot, “Hey what’s up I’m Hammer. (she introduces herself) So it’s HB6 and HB8. Your friend is really cute.” I put my arms around both and pull them in close and run Hot Vamp. Talk, talk, HB8 starts telling me about how she used to go to ASU but partied to hard and got kicked out, I make fun of her. She thinks I’m on drugs and asks me what I’m on, then starts telling me about how she’s tried everything there is.

Doug from I Love Roadhead comes in. He is dressed as Captain Cockblock, and he gives HB6 a business card that says “You’ve Been Cockblocked.” HB6 keeps sticking it in my face and I keep ignoring it, HB8 keeps talking to me.

I run Sesame Street and start going deep into that routine. HB6 looks bored and is texting and I start to get worried about that situation, so take her number and then continue with Sesame Street discussions. Eventually I tell HB8 that she should get back to her friend and go back to the dance floor. Before I leave I go in for a kiss, she leans away. I just sit there and say come here, she comes and kisses me, I leave.

The night continues, I dance for a while, see a girl on the wall eyefucking me and decide to go talk to her even though she’s not my type. She was thin and sort of attractive, but her face great and I’m not into the dark-skinned Colombian girls. I was talking to her for a while and definitely could have started making out with her, but this other dude came in who had no game and I could tell he’d been working this girl all night and figured I’d throw him a bone since he wanted it more than me. I excuse myself and tell her I’m going to start dancing again.

A two set walks up, blonde and brunette. The blond could lose a few, I’ll give her a 6, and the brunette was really not and wearing lingerie with an open bathrobe. I stop the hottie brunette and open her direct. Then I bring in the blonde and tell her that I like her friend and think she’s really hot and want to go home with her. I talk to them for a while, then eject to dance, fully planning to pull the hot brunette over to dance with me. All of the sudden, HB8 from before comes back by herself and I pull her in to dance. We start grinding hard. It’s definitely on.

After a song of grinding with her back to me, I decide that I want to start really physically escalating with her so I grab her hand and spin her 540 degrees and pull her in. She tells me that got her dizzy, so I sit her down. We talk for a while, and then I start making out with her. We’re making out for 20 minutes or so, I pull her up onto my lap and start sucking her neck and kissing down her chest, rubbing my leg against her pussy through her jeans. I had already been worrying about logistics so I asked her if she lives at home or by herself (at home), so I realize I have to be bold if I’m going to fuck her tonight.

Hammer: We need to go somewhere private.

HB8: What’d you have in mind?

Hammer: Let’s go to the bathroom.

HB8: Lead the way.

So we go upstairs to the bathroom, lock the door behind us, start making out. This is where I should have started saying things like “We shouldn’t be doing this, I barely know you” stealing her frame and preventing LMR. Instead I start going for the belt, and start to  get LMR. “I don’t know if I want to do this, I barely know you.”

Ladies, you have to explain this shit to me. Seriously. What do you expect to happen when I take you into the bathroom after making out with you for a half hour? Anyway, I leave it alone and start making out again. I’m kissing the neck, and making my way down her chest. I pull her right tit out of her top and start sucking on her nipples. She’s breathing really hard and I can tell is really turned on. Then I remember something that I heard in an Eric Disco interview with Glenn from Brad P’s company.

Hammer: Stick your hand down your pants and play with your pussy. *she does*

Hammer: Oh my god I am so turned on right now, I want to taste you so badly. *I pull her hand out of her pants and lick her fingers. Bye bye LMR.*

I pull down her pants, and take a condom out of my pocket, she pulls down my pants. I bend her over and fuck her from behind. She cums really quickly. People are knocking on the door like crazy now, so I go into hurry-up. I finish inside her and tell her that we need to get out of there because of the line. 

She checks her phone and has a ton of missed calls and texts from her friend. She says that she has to go find HB6, so I kiss her goodbye and tell her I’ll call her in a few days. I run into Covino, he asks me what happened to the girl who was all over me. I tell him that I just fucked her in the bathroom.

Covino: That’s great, although to be honest, I’m totally not surprised.

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Posted in dating, sex. Tags: . 1 Comment »

One Response to “LR: Bathroom at the Swallowschween Party”

  1. New Rule: Three Strikes and You’re Out « Hammertime Says:

    […] totally on without really running much game (something that I very much used to my advantage in the bathroom lay that I wrote […]


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