Guys, I’ve been there. It can be very stressful to make a move on a woman for fear of coming off as a scumbag. But having gone through that phase of my life and gotten past it, I now have such a low tolerance for guys not making a move, I can’t even begin to describe it. When everyone is telling you what to do right, and you still do the wrong thing, you have lost my sympathy.
Guys not making a move seems to be the theme of just about every female dating blog I read lately. One that still sticks out in my mind was the plight of the Dateable Dork (who’s blog is now gone), and more recently, SINgleGiRL‘s posts here and here. So take this post as a PSA, and make a fucking move.
Women are sexual beings. They are not doing you a favor by sleeping with you (unless they’re just not that into you). In fact, you are doing them a favor by making the move. As stressful as it can be for you to make a move, it is infinitely more stressful for the woman. There are all kinds of societal pressures that have been drilled into her mind since she was very young that she would need to go against in order to make the first move. In addition, the female brain is hard-wired to be attracted to a man who is in control. She wants it to feel like it “just happened.” Sure, in theory, getting rejected sucks, but I assure you that it’s much less painful to get rejected than to stress over not making a move after, and don’t get me started on the stress that you will feel when you get dumped for not making a move.
Women get offended when you don’t make a move on them if they want you to. It is that simple. If they are opening doors for you, and you are totally ignoring them, this shows a lack of social intelligence, which is already very unattractive. It also conveys disinterest.
You’re the one with balls, you’re the one who is supposed to be the man in the relationship. Start acting like it. If you’re a “bad dater,” here are some tips that should help you fake it until you make it:
- When you schedule a date, you don’t ask her where she wants to go, you tell her where you want to go.
- You should be walking with her close to you, and instructing her to move to your other side when she is closer the curb.
- Walk into the venue together, be picky about which table you want if the restaurant isn’t too crowded (btw don’t go to restaurants).
- Pull her chair out and gesture for her to sit.
- When the waiter comes over, ask his name if he doesn’t give it (also remember it and use it every time you address him), and then introduce yourself and your date. Then ask how his night is going.
- If it’s a nice restaurant and you’re a flexible eater, ask the waiter to ask the chef two questions: What does everyone consider the best dish on the menu, and what dish does the chef take the most personal pride in, despite it maybe not being the most popular dish (if you do this, you need to order one of these two).
- When he asks for your order, suggest that she orders first with a gesture and head nod.
- Order as if you’ve known exactly what you wanted since before picking the place.
- For most of the beginning of the date, you should be leaning back in your chair. Not slouched, but back. Your head should be tilted slightly forward so that you have to look up a little into her eyes.
- Be playful, nudge and touch her hand as appropriate.
- Disagree with 10-20% of what she says, and tease her about it (always be lighthearted though).
- Test for body language compliance. when you lean in, she should as well.
- If you are both leaned over the table toward eachother, keep strong eye contact, breaking every once in a while to look at her lips (but the glance must be deliberate and slow).
- Bite/lick your lips slightly to subcommunicate sexuality. She should be glancing at your lips and/or licking her own.
- If all of these signs are there, confidently go for the kiss. Start with your hand under her chin, gently lifting her head up and to one side. If she backs away at first, tell her to “Get over here” (playfully and with a smile) and stand up out of your seat a little to make sure it’s physically comfortable for her.
- You should kiss her before the check, if you haven’t, you could have (unless things aren’t going well, in which case it doesn’t really matter and you can adjust your interest in her accordingly, and even ask her to split the check).
- If you’re waiting for the goodbye kiss to make a move, it’s probably going to be awkward and you’re probably not going to sleep with her that night.
- When you get back to her place, say this: “Listen, I can’t stay long because I have to get up for work/tennis/whatever tomorrow but would you mind if I come up quickly for a drink/glass of water/use the bathroom/talk a little more/show you something we talked about on the date.”
- Compliment her place, sprinkling in jokes.
- Kiss her again, pull away first putting a finger over her lips telling her that you want to do whatever excuse you used to get in.
- Ask for the tour.
- MAKE A MOVE!
So that’s your little roadmap. Some girls no matter how suave you are will not sleep with you on the first date, and that’s fine, don’t be pushy, but know that she’ll still probably masturbate thinking about you after you leave, and both parties will assume that it’s going down next time. Try it out and report back.