Rian: Back In the Picture?

So over the last few weeks, I’ve been trying to institute a clean break with Rian, and she seems to keep coming back with this I want to be friends with you thing. She hasn’t gone more than 2 days without talking to me.

Every one of these conversations goes the same way. She tells me that she is just checking in because she cares about me, I tell her the following three things:

1.       She is just trying to get in my head and prevent me from moving on.

2.       Her new/old boyfriend who I stole her from and she’s now back with is lame which is why she wants to talk to me.

3.       Despite pressure from her family to be with this good doctor, this is her subconscious’s way of getting me to make a move.

She of course proceeds to deny all of this, and insists that she wants to be friends. But what good comes from being friends? None. There are two desirable outcomes with this relationship. Either I get her back, or I move on. Either way, both of these outcomes have the same course of action: not calling her, and letting her know when she calls me that I want to be with her but if I can’t be then I want to have nothing to do with her.

Each of these conversations ends with her saying that she hates me and never wants to have anything to do with me ever again. She curses at me and says that we are 100% over. I never fully believe it, but she gets more and more convincing every time. Last time this happened I basically told her that we keep having the same conversation every time and don’t bother contacting me unless you’re willing to schedule a night-time date with me.

So yesterday, I am eating lunch, and I get a call from her. The phone rings a couple of times and then it’s a missed call before I even get a chance to pick up. So I call her back, and she says that she dialed the wrong number because she was calling a friend of hers whose name starts with the same letter as mine and since she thought she had deleted my number, she just put in the letter and hit send without looking. I immediately called bullshit in my mind, but just said “Okay” and hung up.

Of course this mind fucked me all day, as it was intended to do, I’m pretty sure. So fast forward about 10 hours, I go out with some buddies from my improve class for drinks, and as the alcohol flows a little, this hang-up phone call keeps pounding in the front of my mind. Now I’m not very tipsy, but I’m nice and loose, and I make the decision that I’m going to call her and use the fact that I’ve been drinking as an excuse for the call.

So she picks up, which surprised me, I thought I was going to get voicemail. In fact I considered using slydial to ensure I get voicemail. But she picks up, and I start off extra loud and friendly until she asks me if I’m drunk, to which I reply “I’ve had a few.” Turns out she is in the good doctor’s bed at the time, but he is at work and will be home in an hour or so. So I talk to her for the whole hour, basically about how she clearly still wants me, and I want a chance, just a foot in the door. One date. I transition in and out of phone sex voice tone to get her turned on, then call her out on being turned on, which she laughingly denies each time (yea okay). The result is that she says she’ll think about going out on a date with me, but I think it’s a think about it yes, not a think about it no.

Anyway, she hit me up on aim this morning telling me that I’m out of control (good thing). So we’ll see. This is the relationship that I wanted to avoid blogging about, but if I do get the date with her, there will be a full write-up.


I plan to kiss her within the first minute of seeing her, and here’s how:

As soon as I see her I’ll give her a really comforting and strong hug. Then I’ll tell her to switch sides so our hearts are beating together (think lefty hug). Next I’ll put my hand on the back of her head and push it into a snuggle position on my neck. Finally, I’ll slowly come out of the hug while sliding my hands down her sides onto her waist, then give her the forward head tilt with seductive look. Look down at her lips and back to her eyes, give her a little lip bite and lick, and go in for the kiss. This may or may not work, but the most important thing for me to do is stay out of friend zone and get her comfortable with me making moves on her despite her having a boyfriend.

Posted in dating. Tags: , . 10 Comments »

10 Responses to “Rian: Back In the Picture?”

  1. Honey Says:

    Your rendition of this whole scenario makes you seem like a pussy. The only manly thing to do is clean break rule. Drama isn’t worth ANYONE’S time, and you’re causing AT LEAST 50% of this drama, if not more. It’s a sign of insecurity, big time.

  2. Hammer Says:

    You’re right, I’m trying to cause the drama, because she’s a good girl, and a good girl is hard to find. It may make me sound like a pussy, but considering that I picked up a stripper on Sunday night and have dates tonight and tomorrow with other women, I feel okay with that label.

    I’m not over her, and I want her back, I’m not hiding that fact. But it’s not like I’m waiting around for her. If it doesn’t happen, it doesn’t happen. It doesn’t make me insecure to try to get a girl back who still likes me but basically won’t get back with me because of family pressure.

  3. Infinity Says:

    Hammer –

    Having gone through this almost 9-11 months ago, I can tell you it is NOT worth it. You will be bound to get caught up in this and it will screw you in the end.

    What I would do is follow through with the date and just be a friend. She is expecting you to try and you can do that. She will pick it up and then you’re done.

    Believe me, I would hate to see your next blog on this end up being terrible.

    I say friend it up with her and keep her as a good girl in your life. It’s her mistake not to keep you (no matter what circumstances that have prevented you too from being together in the first place) not yours.

    And I don’t think you’re insecure. You’re not. And yes, a good girl is hard to find. But just because you found one doesn’t necessarily mean that she’s for you, buddy.

    But all in all, good luck on the date and hope it turns out well either way. I would consider this date the “last chapter” if you know what I mean.

  4. Hammer Says:

    Yea man, I feel you. We’ll see. There’s absolutely no way I’ll be friends with her, but I don’t have especially high expectations for any of this. The only reason why I am making the attempt is because I can tell that she still likes me and isn’t fulfilled in her relationship. This works out well for me considering that I’m still into her. But it seems like there’s just too much damage done.

  5. Jill Summit Says:

    I agree that there has been too much damage done already. And although you are saying you are not waiting for her – basing that on the fact that you are going out with these other women, it definitely comes across as if you are. I say move on and ax the date for sure…

  6. Hammer Says:

    Eh, it’s not that simple. Feelings are hard to get over. In my experience the only way to get past them is to replace them with feelings for someone else. So we’ll see. As far as I’m concerned, she can still come back to me until I find someone else. But I’m actively looking and doing everything in my power to do so, not waiting around for it.

  7. Jill Summit Says:

    I kind of agree with the rebound statement, that you get past one by finding another…. If it were me though, I’d still give things a little more time so I could move on with my life with a clear head. Anyway, you have to do what is best for you.

  8. Honey Says:

    I think that you are completely capable of getting someone of just as high of a quality as her–people never want to move on because they feel like they have lost all the time they have spent with that person, when really the sooner you give up and find someone who’s a good match the less time you have lost. I know how hard it is to get over someone when you’re in love (I lost 20 lbs in a month over an ex in college I was so depressed) but really you’re just holding yourself back from someone more awesome at this point. Think in the abundance mentality!

  9. Hammer Says:

    Oh I absolutely know that I’m totally capable of getting someone of as high or higher quality, it’s just extremely difficult to find those. When you’re talking 99.9% of intelligence and 99.9% of looks, those don’t necessarily overlap very often.

  10. Honey Says:

    Yeah, standards are a bitch! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: