Men Are Simple

This post is for all the women who still find the male mind to be a mystery. I hope that I’m doing a public service to all of you by posting this.

Men are soooo simple. We’re like Pavlov’s dog. 90% of us are undersexed (also little known fact, 84% of quoted statistics are made up on the spot). If you’re with a guy who is in that 90%, he is doing his best to not blow it with you and essentially be cool enough to have the privilege of sleeping with you.

So when he doesn’t make a move, it is because he is afraid that you will reject him, further damaging his already damaged ego. It is not that he still isn’t sure about you or anything like that. He would sleep with you within 5 minutes of meeting you if he likes your body (or if he’s just desperate enough to not be choosy). The irony of this, of course, is that by the time he works up the courage to make a move, the moment has already passed and crazy things like “this is the type of guy who I can’t just fuck and kick out” start going through the woman’s head, causing her to reject him, further damaging his ego and making him less likely to make a move next time . Listen ladies, a man who is afraid to make a move will be the same man who will be absolutely thrilled to have sex with you, regardless of the circumstances. He may be weirded out by the fact that you kick him out, but I assure you that he’ll quickly get past it.

You’ll hear men calling women “fuckable” all the time. I’ve definitely been guilty of making the “I would fuck her, but only if she threw herself at me, she’s not worth my energy” statement. Fuckable is a very low standard. In fact, I have an even lower standard for getting blowjobs. I’ll have my friend say something like “I mean, she’s kind of big, but I’m not going to kick her out of bed” about women who I would kick out of bed, to which I reply, “I mean, if she offered me a headpiece I’m not going to say no, but I would never touch her.” This is how men think.

So how do you distinguish between the guys who get ass and the guys who don’t? Well, it’s actually pretty simple. If he’s turning you on, making all the right moves, and things just seem to be flowing really smoothly, you’re probably not the only one he’s done this with (also means he’s probably going to be better in bed). If it seems like he’s really choppy and afraid to make the moves, afraid to pick the location, afraid to kiss you, afraid to call you out on your shit, you probably have a guy in that 90% category who doesn’t get ass on a regular basis and is merely trying to just not screw it up. This is particularly true for guys online. Many guys go online because they find it to be retardedly easy, many more go online because they find dating elsewhere to be incredibly hard (and as a result, find online dating equally if not more difficult). It’s the 80/20 rule of online dating, 20 percent of the guys get 80% of the responses.

So the bottom line is this. If he’s a 90 percenter, stop wondering if he likes you, he’s going to stick around with you as long as he’s getting ass. He’ll never be able to truly love you because he’ll always in the back of his mind wonder what he’s missing. That said, he’ll do anything to keep you because he’s afraid of being single. So I guess you have to ask yourself, is this the type of relationship you want to be in?

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10 Responses to “Men Are Simple”

  1. artshopgirl Says:

    Well thanks again for confusing me even more. I mean at 1st I thought. Good. I got it. No problem. Then, I said hold up. I can’t have either. I don’t want a guy slut but, I can’t have a guy who doesn’t have any balls either.
    Left to wonder….
    artshopgirl

  2. Hammer Says:

    I don’t think that having options necessarily makes someone a man slut. Maybe he was at one point, or goes through phases of slutdom, but I think that when push comes to shove, most man sluts are really just looking for the special girl that they want more than all the others. The difference is that they’re not afraid to be single because they know that if they do what they do the next great girl will come around.

  3. Jill Summit Says:

    I don’t agree with that 90 percenter never being capable of truly loving someone. I know tons of men that ended up falling in love without becoming a man whore or getting a “plethora of ass” — where do I get these lines from :P!

    On the other hand, men that lack sexual experience just don’t make the cut for me…

  4. Hammer Says:

    Yea but they love the woman the way that a paratrooper loves his parachute. It’s not necessarily an attachment to the specific parachute, but rather the idea of having one. The difference is a guy who has never experienced having options would rather sew up the busted parachute than purchase a new one, only to have the stitches rip mid dive.

  5. Jill Summit Says:

    Agree to disagree on that one! That is too much of a generalization if you ask me.

    Nice analogy though!

  6. Hammer Says:

    Why is everyone so hell bent on being unique? Of course I’m generalizing, but that’s the point. Obviously things vary on a case by case basis, but if a generalization is right 80% of the time (50+ percent of marriages ending in divorce, 30+ percent of them staying unhappily married), it’s probably of some value.

  7. Beautiful Black Man is Back Again « Misadventures of Shopgirl Says:

    […] once in a while to see what the heck men are thinking sometimes.   I read this one the other day: http://hammer86blog.com/2008/11/24/men-are-simple/   And the Men are Like Dogs part is really holding up.  I beat him down, insult him, I thought […]

  8. Jill Summit Says:

    Trying to be unique, not at all … My point is that your last paragraph… :

    “If he’s a 90 percenter, stop wondering if he likes you, he’s going to stick around with you as long as he’s getting ass. He’ll never be able to truly love you because he’ll always in the back of his mind wonder what he’s missing. That said, he’ll do anything to keep you because he’s afraid of being single. So I guess you have to ask yourself, is this the type of relationship you want to be in?”

    … is a ludicrous assumption in my opinion. I am not disputing the entire post, I actually agree with a lot of what you are saying.

  9. Hammer Says:

    I see where you’re coming from, but this is just an extension of a theme that occurs frequently in this blog about not being able to truly be satisfied in a relationship until you’ve gotten certain things out of your system. It’s one of the primary pillars to my “Why I don’t take virgins” post.

  10. vyliss Says:

    Very true but the problem women have is finding someone REAL, we know about 90% of men will have sex with us, provided you’re not too fugly, but that’s not the issue, we want more than that.


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