The WAR On FRUMPINESS

Consider this post a declaration of war. I am initiating the War on Frumpiness. I’m not going to do, what everyone thinks I’m going to do… All I want to know is, who’s coming with me?

Women’s fashion has been going downhill for a while. I think the Olsen twins might have started this trend, but it has gotten way out of hand. The pregnant shirts, the Ugg boots, the Crocs, the leggings, the Chinese slippers, etc. It needs to stop!

I hate being in a bar and seeing a girl in a shirt that fits loosely around her stomach and not being sure whether she’s chubbo or not. This is important information women. You’re basically lying to me with your appearance if you don’t give me that information. Yea I’m superficial, but I have that right. But do you really want to sleep with me and then not get called again because I didn’t realize until I was fucking you that you were fat? You can avoid this by not hiding that shit. You’ll be weeding out superficial pricks like myself!

And the leggings! Come on. Fucking Lindsey Lohan and her hippie trendsetting. Yea it’s cold, I get it, but you’re supposed to deal with that discomfort because you get an insane amount of advantages as a result. I hate leggings for a couple of reasons. First of all, they’re an extra layer to get off, so rather than just being able to lift up the skirt and pull the panties to the side, I have to pull those things down and off. Second, they hide a girl’s legs and as a result she’s less likely to shave, which is so gross when you do make it into the funk shop with her. Third, they’re ugly! I want to see your sexy feminine legs and touch your soft skin, not this black spandex shit that you call fashionable.

Then we come to the footwear. Uggs, Crocs, sandals, knee high boots, get the fuck out. Am I the only guy who still finds a woman’s calves and ankles attractive? What dudes are putting up with this shit? When you are dressed to impress, why go and ruin it with these frumpy shoes? Put on heels. I don’t care if they’re uncomfortable, I know plenty of women who exclusively wear heels (mostly because they’re short) and if they can deal with it, you can too. I’m not wearing new balance sneakers everywhere I go, you shouldn’t be wearing the female equivalent.

Lastly, fuck all of you guys for putting up with this shit from women. I am drawing the line in the sand right now. If a woman is wearing any of the above mentioned items of clothing to a night club or bar on a night out, I am not bothering (I’ll forgive it for an exceptionally beautiful woman if it’s during the day).

And maybe you ladies are saying, “Oh whatever, look at this egomaniac, I don’t care if he hits on me.” Well you should care, because I am a very attractive man. Interesting, brilliant, energetic, hilarious, great dancer, and I will curl those toes like no one ever has.

To the guys, who’s coming with me? Support me in the War on Frumpiness!

I’ll leave you with this video to inspire the ladies to dress well:

Sexy vs Plain

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8 Responses to “The WAR On FRUMPINESS”

  1. Infinity Says:

    Hell yeah, I’m with you! This shit DOES need to stop. It would never fly with us. For us, it shouldn’t fly with them.

    It’s not about being shallow. I’m a guy that has standards. Leggings, Crocs and Uggs don’t meet them.

    And as a quality male, I’d expect women to realize that this just is not cute or sexy, or whatever.

    Clean it up.

  2. The Dateable Dork Says:

    Hahahaha!!!! Hammer, the one thing you’re forgetting is that some women will do ANYTHING for fashion, regardless of what guys think of it. I hate to break it to ya, but when girls go out to a bar, club, etc ., they’re really dressing up to impress their girlfriends. Wearing the “pregnant shirts” (LOL) is so trendy that it gives women confidence, regardless of how the outfit looks from a male perspective. Just my two cents… and just for the record, I hate leggings. : )

  3. winbackmyex Says:

    You’re an idiot. Your attractiveness just went down -100. I hope you die alone.

  4. Hammer Says:

    Well aren’t we bitter.

  5. Kiera Says:

    I completely agree! It’s not that hard to class it up a notch. I cannot wait for the current trends to shift.

    In regards to the video, the plain girl’s demeanor is way less appealing than the sexy one which I think has as much weight on her failure as her appearance. She was less friendly and outgoing and abruptly asks for free things.

  6. Hammer Says:

    It was the same girl in both instances, dressed up or down. She was acting in pretty much the same way but getting rejected when she didn’t look as hot.

  7. Honey Says:

    I hate most of the same articles of clothing that you list above. I think that men should not wear baggy pants, cargo pants, low-riding pants that show your boxers, or polo shirts of any kind.

    I do think that sandals and boots are cute 🙂

  8. Zen Says:

    Good post. I’m small and have a decent body but you’d never know it in the maternity wear that counts as fashion now. It’s REALLY hard to find any alternatives out there these days. I’m sticking to my tube tops…

    By the way, about the knee high boots, what if they’re form fitting, high heeled boots?


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