I have a new wing, who for lack of a better term we’ll call Kiwi because he’s from New Zealand. We get along really well and have similar levels of commitment to getting good, but have very different styles of game. This doesn’t bother me too much because I like to isolate as quickly as possible anyway and run my game, but I think that I hurt him sometimes because he runs a more social game that involves group dynamics and making a lot of female friends.
Anyway, I want to talk about tailoring your game toward the girls that you are looking for, because I think that one of the things that Kiwi could do a little better is focus on screening for girls who are his type. His social game works and gets him laid, moreso than me (although not when I’m doing online dating), I just know he could be more efficient about getting through girls he’s really not interested in so he has a better chance of finding the girls who he is. He just genuinely cares too much about what perfect strangers think of him, which is something that we’ve talked about and he acknowledges is a sticking point.
Last night I did an approach on a tall super cute girl with red hair (not natural but whatever) and things started off really well. I quickly isolated her and was getting IOIs early. As I started trying to set sexual frames, I quickly came to the realization that this was not a girl who would have sex with me on the first night. She had only had sex with one guy in her entire life, and clearly had a bunch of hang-ups about sex. Additionally, she’s probably never had good sex. Anyway, when I get a set like that, do one of three things. I can either walk away, try and get a number and date her, or keep trying to frame her until she either blows me out or accepts the SNL frames I’m setting. Because I’m on a kick of going exclusively for Same Night Lays and not taking numbers, I chose the latter.
Now the thing about this is, I already knew this girl was into me, but I had pretty much lost any interest in her because she couldn’t give me what I was after, so getting blown out isn’t a big deal for me. Thinking like this gives me the balls to say things that I might otherwise be afraid to say like telling her that all of my best relationships started off passionately and I am really turned off by girls who practice self denial because they are worried about being called a slut. Needless to say, after about 10 minutes of this she had to “go to the bathroom.” One thing that I’ve noticed is that a great way to save a set is to show some social intuition, so now when women say things like that, I just tell them, “listen, if you don’t want to talk to me anymore that’s totally cool, I’m a big boy, but there’s really no need to lie to me. I don’t want to be wasting my time talking to people who aren’t interested in me anyway.” This time it didn’t work but often it will (e.g. a couple weeks ago I was talking to a girl but the conversation was kind of dull and I was thinking of how I could get it on the right track when I saw her reach back to touch her friend which is a plea to be saved. I told her, “I saw you just tap your friend to be rescued, so I’m going to go back to my friends, but it was really nice meeting you.” After this she changed her mind and asked me to stay).
Afterward Kiwi started giving me shit for getting blown out telling me that I was being uncalibrated and when I realized that she wasn’t that type of girl I should have readjusted my game, but this is where I totally disagree with him. I would rather get blown out of the set than talk to her for another 20 minutes and get a number that I’ll never call. It wasn’t that I was being uncalibrated (although I am not going to pretend that I’m not uncalibrated sometimes). It’s that sometimes you have to step over lines to really figure out where they are.
So I want to talk quickly about how to design your game so that it will get you much more attraction from girls who are your type and get blown out by girls who aren’t. Two powerful techniques that we are going to use to do this are cold reads and negging into a frame. So for example, Kiwi likes girls who are sort of tomboyish, so if thinks that the girl he’s talking to is a tomboy, he can cold read her by telling her, “I can see that you’ve gotten dressed up all cute tonight and stuff and you look great, but I can tell that you’re really way more in your element in jeans and a t-shirt. You’re a total tomboy aren’t you!” Alternatively, if he’s at a time in the interaction where you could really use a break in rapport to build more attraction, or you think she’s probably not a tomboy but you want her to sort of accept that frame, you can tell her, “Oh wow we’d never get along, I can already tell you’re a total girly girl like something straight out of legally blond. I’ll bet you have a pet Chihuahua too.” Unless this is her, in which case her attraction to you will get increased because you nailed her personality, she should push back hard and as a result will frame herself as a tomboy, which will make her act more like you’d like her to.
Doing something like this is all about recovery. With that girl yesterday, I told her that I can totally tell she’s a closet nerd, which she denied adamantly, but I held frame, and eventually when I found out she had an iPhone, it was not hard to get her to agree that she is in fact an apple fanboy (see nerd). I also told her that I really liked the fact that she was independent but I’ll bet that because she has to be so decisive in her everyday life, she prefers to be submissive in relationships. She pushed back telling me that she just got out of an overly controlling relationship, so I had to backtrack, basically telling her that if that’s what she’s attracted to it’s what she’ll always be attracted to and she will be bored in relationships where she isn’t being led. This didn’t really hit at all, but I did recover and end up getting a lot farther in the interaction, but she had already lost points in my book because she wasn’t that type of girl, so I became less invested in the interaction and cared less when it died.