How Do You Get Her to Fuck Off?

Yesterday Rian called me for the first time in a week and a half. Two weeks prior Rian had flaked on a sex date we had arranged for a Tuesday night, and that was sort of the last straw in my book. I just ignored her communications for the next few days and then when she texted me on Friday I told her (for probably the 50th time) to stop contacting me and stay out of my life. The conversation went something like this:

It’s like 9pm on Friday and I’m on my way to Kiwi’s house. Rian had called or texted me twice a day on Wed and Thurs, all of whcih I ignored. This is her first message to me of the day.

Rian: I miss you

Hammer: Invite me over.

Rian: I’m in Vermont.

Hammer: It’s cool, when you flaked on me on Friday, something really strange happened. I felt nothing.

Rian: I didn’t flake, blah blah blah…

Hammer: It’s cool, I don’t even care. I realized something when you flaked. I’m totally over you.

Rian: Oh. Okay.

Rian: That’s fine because LameDudeIWasDatingToMakeYouJealous and I are official now.

Hammer: I feel sorry for him.

Rian: why?

Hammer: Because you’re a liar, and you’re super flaky, and you’re in love with another man.

Rian: I know I’m such a bad person.

Hammer: Yep, pretty much. Anyway, run along now, out of my life forever. Don’t make me get a restraining order.

Rian: So you really just never want to talk to me again?

Hammer: NO.

Rian: Fine, well have a good life baby. I love you.

That’s a really fucked up thing to say to a guy who’s trying to cut you out of his life, particularly when you’re dating another man and it’s totally your lack of time investment that fucked up the relationship in the first place. Anyway, so a week and a half goes by, and I think, “Great, I guess I’m in the clear.” Then she calls me up yesterday and leaves a voicemail all cheerfully under the guise of I just wanted to check in on you see how you’re doing. I wait about 5 hours then text her saying “If you want to know how I’m doing, twitter.com/hammer86, but don’t contact me again.” Anyway, it eventually got to the point of my saying things like, “You’re dead to me, and I’m not into necrophilia, so fuck off.” But come on, I know that she’s going to try calling me again, probably saying something about how much I upset her or how much she misses me or how she’s felt like shit after what I said to her.

So I guess the question is, how do I get her to fuck off? I’ve tried being civil, I’ve tried ignoring, I’ve tried being mean, I’ve tried being clingy to push her away, what else is there to do?

P.S. While we’re on the topic, something really interesting happens when you try to be clingy to push a girl away. Even though you are really trying to push her away, your mind tricks itself into catching feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I knew all along what I was trying to accomplish, but when she told me she needed space or whatever it still hurt for a few days. It’s funny how the brain works sometimes. I guess it’s biofeedback, your body is doing these things and scream you’re obsessed with X person so your emotional circuitry interprets it as “You must really like this person.” All the more reason to not act like a chode I suppose.

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7 Responses to “How Do You Get Her to Fuck Off?”

  1. Honey Says:

    It is pretty simple to get someone out of your life. Block their e-mail and delete their phone number from your phone. I don’t know if cell phones can block specific numbers but you could certainly change yours and not give her the new one. And why would you encourage her to follow you on Twitter?

    Ignoring WORKS. You just haven’t done it, since ignoring her permanently means ignoring her permanently. You’re contacting her again, “trying different strategies” because really you don’t want to cut contact at all and you won’t admit it to yourself.

  2. Hammer Says:

    Maybe true. Deleting the number is really a last ditch effort that I’m not anywhere near resorting to yet, but maybe I didn’t ignore her hard enough. We’ll see how that goes.

  3. Anonymous Says:

    I second Honey. The only way to ignore her is cutting off ALL contact, not waiting five hours to text her back. If you completely stop responding to her calls, texts, emails, etc, and she still tries getting in touch you after a couple of weeks? Then you legitimately need that restraining order.

  4. Benedict M. Smith Says:

    “It’s cool, when you flaked on me on Friday, something really strange happened. I felt nothing.”
    I learned awhile back, the HARSHEST weapon against a woman is apathy. NOthing bothers them more than not being able to affect a man. Emotional control is their trump card. they learn to use it with impunity from a young age (remember the gossip whores in high school?)….let not a woman affect you, and she will be driven insane.

  5. Infinity Says:

    I have to agree with Benedict here. Apathy drives women nuts! But anyway, you need to cut off ALL contact with her. If she blows up your phone or your email, there are filters, restraining orders and blacklists that can take care of that.

    Do what you have to do to move on, but ONLY if you truly are ready. I know how you have felt about her so it’s ok if there is a little bit of hesitance. But at this point, you do it and you do it for good.

  6. dougjnn Says:

    Are you sure you really want to get rid of her, as opposed to putting her off, due to her flaking. All that you did was good. But… if she does try to contact you again, maybe have a sit down.

    It seems she was likely flaking due to jealousy over the open relationship thing. You’re feeling it too of course.

    Maybe you two could establish that you’ve each got to treat the other as emotionally primary, and really there for each other, and not flaking, while pursing outside sex, and make the other feel that way or it isn’t going to work. Given that you both care about each other.

    I’ve done an open relationship or three. That’s how they worked, while they did.

  7. searchingwithin Says:

    Honey took the words right out of my mouth. You haven’t ignored her at all, and anyone that states they feel nothing, would not even wonder whether or not they are in the clear after a week and a half, because it doesn’t matter.


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