Yesterday Rian called me for the first time in a week and a half. Two weeks prior Rian had flaked on a sex date we had arranged for a Tuesday night, and that was sort of the last straw in my book. I just ignored her communications for the next few days and then when she texted me on Friday I told her (for probably the 50th time) to stop contacting me and stay out of my life. The conversation went something like this:
It’s like 9pm on Friday and I’m on my way to Kiwi’s house. Rian had called or texted me twice a day on Wed and Thurs, all of whcih I ignored. This is her first message to me of the day.
Rian: I miss you
Hammer: Invite me over.
Rian: I’m in Vermont.
Hammer: It’s cool, when you flaked on me on Friday, something really strange happened. I felt nothing.
Rian: I didn’t flake, blah blah blah…
Hammer: It’s cool, I don’t even care. I realized something when you flaked. I’m totally over you.
Rian: Oh. Okay.
Rian: That’s fine because LameDudeIWasDatingToMakeYouJealous and I are official now.
Hammer: I feel sorry for him.
Hammer: Because you’re a liar, and you’re super flaky, and you’re in love with another man.
Rian: I know I’m such a bad person.
Hammer: Yep, pretty much. Anyway, run along now, out of my life forever. Don’t make me get a restraining order.
Rian: So you really just never want to talk to me again?
Rian: Fine, well have a good life baby. I love you.
That’s a really fucked up thing to say to a guy who’s trying to cut you out of his life, particularly when you’re dating another man and it’s totally your lack of time investment that fucked up the relationship in the first place. Anyway, so a week and a half goes by, and I think, “Great, I guess I’m in the clear.” Then she calls me up yesterday and leaves a voicemail all cheerfully under the guise of I just wanted to check in on you see how you’re doing. I wait about 5 hours then text her saying “If you want to know how I’m doing, twitter.com/hammer86, but don’t contact me again.” Anyway, it eventually got to the point of my saying things like, “You’re dead to me, and I’m not into necrophilia, so fuck off.” But come on, I know that she’s going to try calling me again, probably saying something about how much I upset her or how much she misses me or how she’s felt like shit after what I said to her.
So I guess the question is, how do I get her to fuck off? I’ve tried being civil, I’ve tried ignoring, I’ve tried being mean, I’ve tried being clingy to push her away, what else is there to do?
P.S. While we’re on the topic, something really interesting happens when you try to be clingy to push a girl away. Even though you are really trying to push her away, your mind tricks itself into catching feelings. Don’t get me wrong, I knew all along what I was trying to accomplish, but when she told me she needed space or whatever it still hurt for a few days. It’s funny how the brain works sometimes. I guess it’s biofeedback, your body is doing these things and scream you’re obsessed with X person so your emotional circuitry interprets it as “You must really like this person.” All the more reason to not act like a chode I suppose.