Twitter Wars! Calling vs. Texting

So it all started when I checked out this clip from a TSB Magazine newsletter (by the way guys, if you’re not signed up for their newsletter, definitely get on that. TSB offers one of the most content rich newsletters out there, with all kinds of free ebooks and podcasts with all of your favorite gurus. They’re great guys, and are really doing their best to bring you an impartial view of the community and its material). Now I’ve never paraded myself around as an expert or a “Master Pick-Up Artist,” but there are a couple of things that I am VERY good at, and one of them is online game, and in particular texting and instant messaging. So when I saw this clip, I had to at least start a conversation.

If you don’t have time to check out the clip, the jist of it is that there’s this really cute blondie who’s frustrated because she can’t get a boyfriend. She talks about how she wants a man, and then goes on to talk about how these guys are texting her rather than calling her (thus unmasculine clearly). She refuses to respond to texts from guys, and hearing an example of a text I don’t really blame her, but she basically says that if you don’t call her she won’t respond to you.

This is where I decided to step in. I’m sorry hun, you’re cute, but that is just such a ridiculous reason to rule a guy out. It’s a trend that I’ve actually started to notice more and more lately; sexually frustrated women having these entitlement complexes (ehhem, Simone Grant) that are screwing up their dating lives. What makes you think you even deserve a phone call from me? In the same way that you gave your number out to 5 other guys, you should be assuming that I’m texting 5 other girls. I’m not going to just give you my undivided attention after meeting you for 10 minutes on the street and getting your number. That’s not the way it works.

Also, most girls these days, at least in my age range, hate talking on the phone. They grew up instant messaging on aol in 6th and 7th grade, and talking on the phone is just not something they like to do very often. That’s not to say that I don’t talk on the phone. In fact, usually I ping with a text and then call when she responds. I had a great example of one such conversation today.

This is a girl who emailed me on Match like a week after I emailed her, but her response was really good so I responded to her email and asked her for her number. 6 days go by and I figure that I must have offended her or whatever because I didn’t hear back. Then today, I go into match and realize that she had replied to me the same day, I just didn’t see it because it didn’t get forwarded into my regular email inbox. The following text message conversation ensued:

Hammer: Hey UNCGirl, it’s Hammer from match. Sorry for the week delay, your second email didn’t forward to my regular email inbox. Any big plans today?

UNCGirl: Hey there! Headed to my little cousin’s 2nd birthday party- very exciting, 🙂 How about you?

I call her immediately after receiving the text, she doesn’t pick up, which by the way, need I say more? Clearly some women prefer to text than talk on the phone. I’d go as far as to say that most do, until they know you better.

Hammer: Does sound exciting. Call me back

UNCGirl: I’m just getting ready. I’ll call you in a few! 🙂

Hammer: Mhm… Look it’s totally fine if you’re a 67 year old man. Not my thing, but I don’t judge 🙂

UNCGirl: Hahaha well don’t judge before you meet me! Saggy 67 year old balls just might be your thing and you just don’t know it yet. Drying my hair, call in 15!

Hammer: Well aren’t you sassy! I love it. What time does this birthday party go until? There’s a street fair in my neighborhood and I need a body guyard to protect me.

UNCGirl: Probably only 6ish but I’m two hours from the city.

Hammer: Sadface. I guess I’ll be resigned to my humble non-street fair attending existence.

UNCGirl: I have six vicious looking baby kittens that you could borrow for protection against the evils of the street fair?

Hammer: Don’t say things like that. I’m totally the type of person who would take you up on it.

She calls and we talk for a while. I tease her some and just pretty much be myself. I’d say 80% chance that we spend the night together on our first date.

So what does this text conversation teach us? Well let’s take a look at what I’ve accomplished here. I’ve set the frame of being non-judgmental. The conversation went sexual quickly, so for every interaction we have from now on, sex will be totally fair game. Also, since she went sexual first, she’s now in a sexual aggressor frame. She accepted this frame by asking me if we should make plans to hang out this week when we talked on the phone.

We had a super fun conversation on the phone and I’m really looking forward to hanging out with her. I told her I’d give her a call later to make plans. If I wanted to, I’m sure I could turn that phone conversation into a lot more, but there’s no real need unless our schedules don’t work this week.

Back to the point at hand though: So I send Scot McKay an @ reply telling him that I think it’s bad advice to tell guys to call girls, and the shit storm starts. Scot was very civil and I really like the guy, I’ve always liked his stuff, particularly when it comes to relationship management, but there were definitely some fanboys who stepped in (@SidSmitty) who were a little overboard. Also, I started to make the point about entitlement issues and referenced @SimoneGrant, which brought up a whole new conversation (Speaking of which, Simone, trying to insult my intelligence just makes you look insecure, and I know it was kind of a low blow calling you out for being single at 39, but at least I’m not being totally baseless like you are). It’s way too long a conversation and spans 4 days, but it’s definitely been a lot of fun. I do respect Scot a lot for holding his frame and being civil about it, as compared with someone like Smitty or Simone who came off as needy and insecure respectively. I feel like I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I’m off to do some day game so it’ll have to wait.


8 Responses to “Twitter Wars! Calling vs. Texting”

  1. Scot McKay Says:

    Enjoyed the stimulating conversation, Hammer. You write well.

    The rest of you guys should seriously consider being on Twitter also. Lots of great people to meet, including @bobbyrio from TSB, by the way.

    And LOTS of sharp, socially-skilled women. LOTS.


    Scot McKay

  2. Hammer Says:

    I actually know Bobby Rio and Mike Stout in person (as well as Lance from I went on their TSB Mag trip to the Dominican Republic last August. It was a great time, although I was in a new relationship so I wasn’t really interested in straying.

  3. Benedict M. Smith Says:

    the whole “who’s more or less interested” bit has been f’ing up the dating scene for far too long

  4. Honey Says:

    I don’t think I’d have anything against a guy who sent me a text, although the BF is the only person I’ve ever dated who texted me and we were monogamous from our very first date so it’s not like there was ever anything casual or game-y about it.

    My question is, at what point do you stop trying to trick girls into sleeping with you as soon as possible and genuinely assess whether they’re someone you could be with long-term?

  5. Hammer Says:

    I’m continually assessing whether I would consider being with them long term from the very beginning. It’s not about tricking someone into sleeping with me so much as it’s making her feel alright with acting on the desire to want to sleep with me. There’s a lot of anti-slut social programming to overcome.

    To your question, before you sleep with a girl, you’re dealing with her representative, so while I can rule a woman out at any time as a potential long term mate, I will never seriously consider committing to her until after I have slept with her a few times. Additionally, I have a lot of sexual deal breakers, so this is another reason to not let myself get too emotionally attached before I know the sex is good.

  6. Honey Says:

    What if she doesn’t want to sleep with you until she knows you’re going to be around for more than the short-term? For a lot of women, sex doesn’t get really good (and the girl doesn’t get really adventurous) until there’s a strong emotional attachment.

    I mean, the BF and I slept together on our first date so it’s not necessarily how I work, but if he and I ever broke up I don’t think I could ever do things that quickly again. The idea makes my skin crawl – it’s SO MUCH better when you love the person.

  7. Hammer Says:

    Everyone has different sub-personalities, or maybe you’ll call them moods, in which they are more likely to do certain things. You’re not going to go skinny dipping on a whim every time you are near the beach at night, but you’ve probably done it at one time or another.

    That’s what sexual framing is all about. It’s about establishing the parameters in her mind that will put her in an adventurous and liberated mood so she will want to go there sooner.

    Bottom line is, I’m no pilgrim. I’m not going to settle for someone and then wait out her sexual comfort. If she has that many sexual hang-ups and sex is that big a step for her, then she’s really not the girl for me. It relates a lot to my post about why I won’t date virgins: let her be in another relationship where the guy will put up with that stuff and liberate her and she can gain sexual experience, then maybe she’ll be ready to date me.

    A mentality that I live by, and I think that all men should, is that dating me is like playing Big League Ball; someone else can bring you up through the minors, but when you get to me, I expect you to be ready. I don’t expect you to necessarily come in as a phenom or all star, but you should at least have hot prospect potential.

  8. Zen Says:

    I don’t get this at all. I hate talking on the phone, I wish more guys would ask me out via text.

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