Tuesday night I went out with a couple buddies to kick some game. There are a couple of places in NYC that have a good scene on Tuesday nights due to open bars from 11-12, so I usually go out despite having to work the next day, although I often don’t stay out past 1 or 1:30 unless it’s ON with a girl. This kind of sucks because a lot of the hotties are not even arriving until 1 or later and even if they’re there and it’s on they probably won’t leave you this early in the night.

Things were going well; I had been doing my typical thing where I had a few girls attracted that I could re-open at any time, although none that were getting my sperm jumping and none interested enough to pull. Out of no where, I get a text booty call from a number I don’t know. Now getting booty called isn’t new to me, but this was the first time that I’ve ever been booty called by a number that was not in my phone, I mean, typically when a girl gets deleted from my phone it’s because the number’s pretty dead. I start wondering who it is, asking girls I’m talking to about it, etc. Anyway, here’s the text convo:

MysteryGirl: Hey you

Hammer: Hey, what’s up?

MysteryGirl: I’m in the city for the week.

Hammer: Where are you right now?

MysteryGirl: Tenjune

Hammer: You know what’s weird? I totally don’t remember where we first met (trying to get some clue as to who this girl is)

MysteryGirl: Me either (swoot, that’s really all she could give me?)

Hammer: Okay im not gonna lie, I don’t know who you are. Who are you?

MysteryGirl: Firstname Middlename Lastname of new york (from now on FlakeyIsraeli)

Hammer: Oh gotchya, How was the holy land? (I am facebook friends with her and so I knew she was living in Israel)

FlakeyIsraeli: Still fab, in ny for the week (she’s repeating herself, first sign of her maybe being too drunk)

Hammer: Where are you staying?

FI: W p3ents not gonna lie (weird misspellings, second sign)

H: K well let’s meet and go back to my place. Now.

FI: Where r u

H: I’m at Happy Ending. Lower east

H: Your turn to pay for the cab btw

FI: Ooooooooo

H: I’m walking west and up. Grab a cab and come pick me up

FI: Come grab a cab anc cmr piv mr up (really bad spelling, alright this is probably not happening)

H: I’m walking west on houston. Meet me and we’ll grab a cab

H: I’m at houston and 7th ave. Where are you?

H: Alright well im gonna hop on the subway and head home. You can meet me there if you want. X St and X Ave. Otherwise we can hang tomorrow

Alright so a little back story. I met this girl in December on a Friday in one of my bars where I’m a regular. It’s a bar that has great logistics and is pretty close (20 minute walk 5 minute cab) as well as cheap drinks, but is very hit or miss talentwise. Anyway, long story short, I open her at like 1:30, it’s on. We talk for a bit, I pull her to the couches in the back, she gives me sexual innuendo opening and I barge through it with cold reads about her being submissive and liking it rough. I tease a bit, then give her a little caveman stuff and start making out with her. I quickly escalate the makeout and go to my signature neck move and she starts to get turned on. I screen logistics, make out more. I tell her let’s go somewhere, she says she can’t leave her friends. I go back to signature neck move, she gets really turned on and says “alright, let’s go.”

I close out my tab, she talks to her friends, we grab a cab to her place down on Wall St. This was probably my first big mistake. I live nearby (but with my parents), she lives 6 miles away (but alone), so I figured let’s just do it and I’ll keep her buying temperature high in the cab by escalating. But the whole time, her friend is being really bitchy, mad that she left with me. Long story short, I pay for the cab, we get to her lobby, she’s sitting on the floor texting the friend, I tell her we should go upstairs because I have to use the bathroom. She doesn’t move. I wait like 5 minutes, but I really did have to use the bathroom, so I ran across the street and pissed in an alley.

When I got back, she was gone. The doorman said she went upstairs, but I don’t have her number or apartment number or even last name. I wait for a bit but then just bounce. She did have a weird first name though and I new her school so I facebook her, sending her a message saying that I’m going to have to punish her for ditching me like that, but also leaving her my number telling her to hit me up. I don’t expect much, after all, she did ditch me, but Saturday night when I’m out I get a text from her at like 10ish. I try to set something up, she sort of stops responding at some point, oh well. A couple of days later I try to schedule something with her, she flakes. Then a few days later, I text her and she doesn’t respond. I don’t care that much because this girl is a 7 (hot enough to fuck but not quite hot enough to be a girlfriend), so I pretty much give up and the next time I went through numbers in my phone I deleted hers. Cut to Tuesday over 4 months later, she texts me out of the blue at 1:30am.

So I texted her the next day when I got home from work:

H: Hey what are you up to tonight? Let’s hang

FI: Omg did I text you last night

H: Lol yea you totally booty called me.

FI: Ha! Apparently chamagne and xanax are an awful combo!

H: Yea that’s definitely a little dangerous. We were going to get together but at some point you stopped responding so i figured you were too drunk and just went home

FI: Interesting. Idk. Woke up at a friends from home, not even sure when or how I met up with him. So there’s that!

This is a typical shit test. She is testing me for neediness, talking about staying at a friend’s and making a point to mention he’s a guy. I’m trying to frame a casual sex encounter so she’s testing me to see if I’ll get jealous.

H: Lol well if you got to me i imagine you were probably booty calling your whole phone

I’m not sure how well I handled this, but the objective was to basically portray that I really don’t care if she fucked another guy instead of me by assuming that he was a booty call as well.

FI: Ha he’s just a friend I’m really close with his gf, guess I’m a bad booty caller. Winning blackout cocktail last night!!! Haha its my one week in town going nuts I guess

She qualifies herself to me by making sure that I know that nothing happened; green light.

H: Well we still have some unfinished business. I have plans for you woman

FI: Is that so…?

She’s giving me rope, waiting to see if I’ll reel her in with it or hang myself, but she’s not blowing me out, so that’s good.

H: Yes, it is. You’ve been quite the trouble maker. A very very bad girl.

FI: Impossible, I moved to the holy land! Saint not a sinner!

She bites, I’ve framed her as the girl who goes to church on Sunday after letting the football team run a train on her Saturday night.

H: You may play a saint over there, but i can tell that you’re just begging for someone to treat you like the little slut you really are

FI: That turned me on way more than you know…let’s hope your game is as good as you talk

By game she means sexual prowess, obviously. She’s basically agreed to have sex with me here.

H: Let’s hope you know how to turn that sass off or i may have to leave some marks

FI: Yum

Here she’s not playing ball anymore, so even though I wanted to get more vulgar, she’s done for now.

H: Come over later. Wear a skirt

FI: I’m in westchester, we’ll see

H: You can stay over as long as you dont mind me kicking you out tomorrow morning when i go to work. Just say you’re going out again

FI: Not a matter of the parents, more a matter of my willingness to be sociable + hangover

H: The dopamine released in your brain after you squirt should take care of teh hangover. Don’t worry about being social

This is where I start to fuck up. The sex talk is done, we’re talking logistics, yet in my mind I was still ready to pump her buying temperature.

FI: A little graphic for dinner time, no?

I misread this as a shit test and tried to hold my frame, but it was miscalibrated.

H: Not by my standards

FI: Classy

H: Lol yea I’m a class act

I texted her again later seeing if she was coming into the city and it didn’t happen. I invited her to a show I was going to be in Thursday and she told me that she’d try to make it. I didn’t really expect her to make it, and didn’t even want her to be there anyway because my mom, dad, and sister were going to be there. After the show she texted me an “Oops” for missing the show, I told her to make it up to me later. A couple of hours later I text her to try to get together:

H: What are ou up to?

FI: Just got back into rye, so tired.

H: You’re not very good at this whole let’s get together thing, huh

FI: Are you telling me I’m playing hard to get?

FI: I’m just being a little coy, it’s endearing

H: You realize that if im as good as you know ill be, you still have to go back to israel on monday…

FI: You’re setting the bar pretty high for yourself

H: Just saying, yo might want to take advantage of the time you have here.

H: Also, the bar is usually pretty low to begin with.

FI: I don’t know what that means

H: It means that i will ruin you for all other men.

FI: What are you going to do to me

H: Im going to do things to you that you’ve never heard of, and probably will be begging me not to do, but are going to love

FI: Yum

H: Come back to the city

FI: I’m too tired and so hiiiiiiii

H: You know, if you have skills i might even be inclined to bring another girl into the mix

FI: It doesn’t matter if you have skills or not, I’m still going to bring another guy into the mix

H: It’s too bad submissive sluts dont set the rules

FI: Tell me what you’re going to do to me, turn me on.

H: Take a picture of yourself. You know what i want to see

FI: That’s the one thing I don’t do.

H: Lame. K well im out so im going to be social. Xome into the city tomorrow.

Two hours later, she texts me when I’m out:

FI: Ridiculously horny

H: Come into the city then

So I went out about my business. She never got back to me, whatever. Friday night around 8:30 I text her:

H: What are you up to tonight

FI: Idk yet you

H: Figuring that out right now. I definitely want to see you later though

FI: Well idk what’s going on lots of friends are in finals, we’ll see what I end up doing. May just veg

H: Veg here

H: You realize that you’re the one who texted me at 12:30 last night saying you were ridiculously horny right? You’re all talk woman

FI: Ha. I’m just staying w my parents for a week. U try it.

H: I dont see what that has to do with anything

FI: It makes me lazy!

H: Well you’re not going to have to much work. You wont even be able to move because your limbs will be tied

FI: Oh really

H: You know, say the word and ill stop bothering you

FI: I’m intrigued

H: So do something about it

FI: Ill be over around 11

And scene…

Posted in dating, sex. 9 Comments »

9 Responses to “Textcalation”

  1. The Dateable Dork Says:

    This girl sounds like a total flake! Why would you even bother??

  2. Honey Says:

    Why would you want to sleep with someone you hadn’t/couldn’t have an intellectual conversation with?

  3. Hammer Says:

    @DD One of the beautiful things about texting is that it really only takes minimal effort to use. so while this was strung out over like 72 hours, it never really intruded into my life or took me away from anything. Less maybe 5 or 6 messages that are mostly logistics based, this is the whole interaction.

    @Honey What does having an intellectual conversation have to do with it? Sex is fun in it’s own right. You seem to have a major issue with casual sex that I totally don’t understand at all. If you don’t care what other people think and enjoy sex I don’t see why whether you have an intellectual conversation with someone should matter.

  4. Honey Says:

    I have had sex with quite a few folks, almost all of it in a casual context (very few boyfriends, TONS of short-term dating and some one night stands as well).

    However, any time I’ve had sex with someone I wasn’t intellectually attracted to, the sex has been horrible and I’ve felt disgusted after. It’s the intellect that “gets me going” sexually…I could have sex with two different people after the precise same amount of interaction with each, but if I was intellectually attracted to the one guy it’s great, and if I wasn’t intellectually attracted to the other guy it’s horrible.

    Now that I’m a little older, sex with someone whose STD panel results you don’t have just seems too dangerous to risk. I think DD will back me up on it…

  5. casualencountersblog Says:

    Blah blah blah, I’m too brainy to fuck.

  6. DrSmoothie Says:

    I think the way it read made it seem like you had to put a lot off effort in, when you really didn’t. Chicks like this are the worst, I got so annoyed reading it, I slapped my secretary. I think you ever do actually meet up with her, she will have sex, but talk about flaky, Dear Lord.

  7. sub5tance Says:

    This shows the amount of effort than can be required sometimes. This reminds me of an ongoing flirt vibe I’ve had going with someone in the office. I’ve been in the Game long enough to know when someone is attracted to me and she’s been playing along with my cocky/funny/sexy vibe but she flaked on me twice (one on a date that *she* suggested and organized) so I just put the ball in her court: ‘if you ever get bored and want to hang out then just call me’. She know what this means but I haven’t got the energy and intent to do all the chasing.

    Call it a sticking point – but it takes two to tango IMO

  8. Hammer Says:

    Yea Sub, those takeaways are huge. You can see that I did that right at the end and it ended up being just what she needed to hear. If you have a vibe that’s THIS flirty with a girl in your office, do exactly what I did here: challenge her by saying she’s all talk, then do the takeaway.

    Whatever you do though, don’t get frustrated. Brad P calls this the “Slow Track.” It means that you have no emotional investment in the situation, but if it works out you’ll go through with it. The no emotional investment part can be hard though, your brain can interpret time investment as emotional investment.

  9. Lance Says:

    @Hammer, I with you on sex for fun and physical, I certainly don’t need the intellectual connection to get turned on, but I “get” what Honey’s talking about. I’ve met a couple of chicks (Honey included) that require some braininess to get aroused. IMO, it’s a Virgo quality!

    I get frustrated pretty fast with flaky chicks like your Israeli and not sure I would have lasted that long over text, although I give you props for taking it that long. Did she ever come over?

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