Two Paths – My Thoughts

Last week Lance and I had a discussion over AIM about the “Two Paths” concept posed by Jason Savage. Reading that post hit him really hard, and if you’d like to read his thoughts on the subject, he posted about it here. The idea of the two paths is essentially that there are two distinct paths one can take in pickup: 1) You are looking for the one, someone you can connect with deeply and start a life with. 2) You are looking to sow your seed and have a large variety of sexual partners. Savage asserts that if you try to walk between the two paths, you will wind up on neither and unhappy as a result. This is something that I’ve talked about a lot from a technique standpoint, but I have not really discussed much from an internal frame of mind standpoint. In my life it’s always been pretty clear, but talking to others about this, I see the need for a concept like this.

I go through phases in which I’m just looking for random ass. This year, for example, I had a 3-4 month stretch of not taking numbers from women unless I’d had sex with them, with the exception of a situation where I’d take the number to text a girl later in the night. Even in these situations though, I’d delete the number the next day if I didn’t hear back. There are other times where I’m looking specifically for a girlfriend. I’m in a phase like this right now, in fact. I become far less interested in plowing through conversation with girls who I don’t like that much for the sake of getting into their pants.

When I read through Savage’s post the first time, I did take issue with one thing, though. He made it seem like if you’re on one path you have to essentially cut the other out of your life, which speaking from experience I can definitively say is not true. In a more recent post, though, he clarifies this. You see, with two paths, Savage is talking specifically about new people who are trying to develop their skills. Someone who’s been around for a while, and has a more developed skillset in both areas, is more capable of easily jumping from path to path as often as possible.

Savage uses a martial arts analogy: just because you’re trying to learn jiujutsu doesn’t mean that you can’t practice karate sometimes. I don’t necessarily think that this is a very good analogy, but it does illustrate the point that the techniques are essentially different and if you understand that they are totally different and independent of each other, you are easily able to bounce between the two as necessary. I think of it like speaking multiple languages. If you’re talking to someone who only speaks English, you’re not going to speak a combination of English and French to them. Likewise, if you’re speaking to someone who only speaks French, combining languages is going to make communication more difficult.

Even when I’m on Path 1, if I’m talking to a girl who’s clearly not relationship material but seems fun enough and likes me, I will quickly jump to Path 2 and try to make it happen. If I do it early enough in the interaction, the transition can be smooth. Acting like you’re looking for a relationship with a girl who you’re just looking to sleep with is a great way for her to get hurt, or worse, for you to end up in a less than ideal relationship (yes, this is far worse). At the same time, not taking Path 2 with this girl could also mess up your chances on Path 1 because extended periods of time without getting laid can cause needy behavior that can scare quality women away.

Women are great at switching between the two paths. Most women are on Path 1, but are very willing to have a Path 2 romp with the right guy, the type of guy who “doesn’t count” when women tell you how many men they’ve slept with. The type of guy who won’t judge them or spread their business around town, but also won’t try to tie them down afterward. Yes, your innocent sweetheart, the one who you’d do anything for, who’s only slept with two guys before you, both of which were her ex-boyfriends. Even she was having sex with some Hot Marine type of guy for the first couple of months she was dating you. That’s why she was able to hold out on you for two months before having sex; she’d get all worked up out on a date with you then call the guy who doesn’t count, because sleeping with you too early is going to hurt her chances with you long term according to The Rules. You should be doing the same thing.

FU Report – Long Weekend in Austin (Part 2)

We hang out at the house for a while, and check out Austin before going to see Savage talk on female sexuality. By the way, this talk was fucking amazing, and while I didn’t get too much out of it personally since I’m just sort of past that point in my game, I can’t begin to tell you how much having heard this talk when I was just starting out would have accelerated my learning curve. Savage is giving that same talk at the Under 21 Convention and I will all but guarantee that it will be one of the top 5 talks there. I’ll post a link to it on this blog if/when it goes up on the site.

As we’re heading out, I talk to HBWorldTraveler and try to make plans to see her, but after talking to her a couple of times and working out temporary plans she ends up not calling me back, so I next her ass like that show on MTV. We go out, El Topo was on teaching duty, so I tag along for a bit with them before breaking off to do my own thing. We started at Molotov on W. 6th St.

As a side note, it never ceases to amaze me how hard and quickly Steve (El Topo) hooks. He did a seated two set as a demo, and within a minute or two they are all over him. It’s really unreal. I used to think it was just superpowers, but it’s something that I’ve been specifically working on since doing my program with him and learning how he does it, and I’ve started to see flashes of those results. Last weekend (the weekend after Austin), for example, I met a really awesome girl (super cute, works in investment banking, similar sense of humor and music tastes) for 10 minutes early in the night, and while I didn’t think it was going very well, she told me to take her number, and I sort of realized at that point that I was just misreading her. After I took her number, I made sure she had mine and told her to text me later and let me know where she is. She must have known what that meant because she ended up texting me at 3:10am. Granted, I didn’t check it until about 4:30, but I’ve hung out with her since then and it’s pretty fucking on.

Anyway, Molotov was a pretty cool place, definitely the type of place I would regularly hit up if I lived there, although the crowd was maybe a little older on average than I’d like. We end up bouncing around a bit at which point I basically decide that it’s time for me to go solo. I head back to Molotov and start doing my thing. I walk in, stop, gaze the room for a minute, then proceed upstairs. Right as I get up there, the Cupid Shuffle comes on, and so I try to organize people to get it going but no one’s playing along. So fuck them, I start doing the Cupid Shuffle myself. People start joining me, and by the end of the song I’m leading a group of maybe 20 people dancing in unison. Of course, while this is going on, I’m deciding who I’m going to approach and how.

The song ends, and I see a super hottie, at least a 9 (call her HBNurse), with a friend. I go in, grab her and open direct, exchange names, meet her friend, and mini-isolate her. It’s pretty on. We’re talking, she asks me where my drink is, I tell her I haven’t gotten one yet and she should buy me one. She laughs and says that I should be the one offering to buy her one. I explain to her that I’m awesome and don’t need to pay for women’s attention so I don’t do that, and I think it’s kind of weird that women are okay with guys buying them drinks and that I can’t imagine a confident and independent woman letting a random guy she doesn’t know buy her a drink.

We talk for a while, she decides we should go get drinks, so I use my get waited on first at a crowded bar tactic and order both of our drinks. Without asking she hands me the money for her drink, and all is well. We go sit down, I’m feeling pretty good about the whole situation. At some point she decides she’s going to Rodeo because she knows a bartender who can get her in. I ask her if she can get me in and she says yes. Fuck Up #1, I left my drink Upstairs. We go downstairs with her friend and they tell me that they’re going to finish their drinks and go. Since I left my drink upstairs, they encourage me to go up and get it. It seems like they’re stalling for a way to get rid of me, meaning I either totally misread her interest or more likely she isn’t that confident about being able to get me in, so I tell her that I’m going to go get my drink, and as I’m walking up the stairs I see them whisper to each other and basically run out the door. I take out my phone and text her saying that I’m going to stay there for a while and go ahead without me, but I had already invited her to party at the house so I figure I’d try to text her after everything closes and see if I can make it happen.

There are a couple of things that are important here. First, I number closed her early on in the set in case shit happens later and give her a logistical reason to hang out. Second, I rid her of the guilt of ditching me by excusing her. If she had just ditched me without me making that excuse for her, she’d probably feel too guilty about it to talk to me again because women are very sensitive to social pressure. When I get a text back from her saying “Okay!” as a response to my I’m going to stick around Molotov text, I decide that it’s probably still on.

I grab my beer upstairs and go back down. One of the guys from the lair talk earlier comes up to me and starts talking to me trying to give me advice on my body language with HBNurse. He was going to tell me that my body language was too needy, but what he doesn’t get is that it was on and we were stomach to stomach with my hands pulling her into my dick at the hips. This is a major pet peeve, and so I overreacted, so John if you’re reading this, again I’m sorry about what I said. It was kind of douchey of me to tell you that I don’t need your advice because I’m probably a lot better than you. I decide to prove to John that going direct with aggressive body language actually works really well and probably better than his indirect bullshit, so I tell him to come wing. I see this two set at the bar, one girl is really cute and the other isn’t, but I open the cute one direct, introduce myself, get her name, introduce John to her and then her friend, and then backturn John and the friend to game the cutie. I start talking to HBVeterinarian, things seem like they’re going well, so screen for logistics to try to get her to our “afterparty.” It’s a no go, and me asking her what she’s up to later reminds her that she was in the middle of closing out her tab and leaving, but I number close her in like 5 minutes in front of this guy and tell her we should hang out later.

I go back to John and apologize to him for being such a dick, then head out to meet Steve and his student. We head over to Katz’s Diner for some food, when I get a text from HBNurse saying that she just left Rodeo and is outside. Fuck Up#2: I text her telling her to come to Katz’s and meet me. Right after I do it, Steve tells me that CJ would never do that, he would run out and get her, controlling the logistics. I decide that is enough of a reason to do it, and I go back to Rodeo, but there’s a big crowd and I get lazy so decide fuck it she’s contacted me once and she’ll do it again.

Cut to an hour later, we’re in the car going back and she texts me asking where the party is. She had gone to a gay bar after closing time or something and was just leaving. Alright great, I ask her if she has a GPS, she does, so I give her the address. Fuck Up #3: Having a conscience about bending the truth. We continue texting, and I feel a little bad about her expecting a party when there’s really nothing going on, so I basically try to switch strategies. My strategy is now, the party is dying, but come over so we can fuck. I start textcalating, but it doesn’t happen.

I guess my end game logistics still need some work.

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FU Report – Long Weekend in Austin (Part 1)

Last weekend I was in Austin hanging out with El Topo. It was a lot of fun and WOW is the house that he’s in ridiculous. The guy who owns it is an interesting and bizarre story on his own, but it’s not really my place to discuss it. Anyway, this Fuck Up Report is about two almost sure lays that I lost on the same day. Needless to say, my end game logistics still need quite a lot of work.

My flight is out of Newark at 6:55am on Friday. I wake up at about 4:15 and get ready. I’m already packed, so I get ready as quickly as possible and leave. I waited for the subway for about 15 minutes, and as a result I barely make the NJTransit train by maybe a minute or two (if it had left on time I would have missed it). Had I missed that train, I would not have made my flight.

Anyway, I get to the airport, barely get my bag checked in time, and by the time I get to the gate the whole plane has boarded, but it’s not like the closed the gate behind me or anything so I was alright. The plane is one of the planes with three seats on each side of the  aisle, and it’s not full so when I get to my seat, it’s me on the window and a cute blondie on the aisle.

As I sit down I open her with a “Hello.” Guys, this is a really important point about any day game situation. When I sit down and say hello right out of the gate, it is totally normal that I have just started a conversation with the person sitting next to me. If I wait and build up the courage while she sits there reading a magazine, it becomes far more awkward going forward. Anyway, things are going alright, we talk for a while and it’s just not going where I want it to go, plus  it sounds like she doesn’t have very good logistics in Austin, not to mention she’s not old enough to go to bars.

So I write it off as a maybe I’ll take her number and try to invite her over the house with some friends and close someone through more of a social circle avenue, but in the meantime I read Sinn’s Lay Reports Book on my kindle and then go to sleep for a bit. When I wake up, and this becomes important later, I decide I should set my watch to Austin time. I know that my flight is scheduled to land around 10 but the captain said it would be maybe a half hour early, so I set my watch two hours behind (WRONG!) so that I can monitor the time in case I do turn things around with this girl and want to go for the Mile High Lay. She sleeping though, and I look across the aisle and see this cute hipster type of girl with headphones on sitting on the window by herself.

I get up, go to the bathroom, and come back and sit next to HBWorldTraveler. She’s really hot but definitely dressed pretty grimily in that hipster kind of way, but needless to say I would, as would any of you. She notices me sit there and shifts her body toward me and takes off her headphones. I open her with a hello, I was kind of bored and couldn’t sleep so I figured I’d come and talk to you. She’s all excited that she now has someone to talk to, and so we’re off to the races.

She asks me where I’m flying from, which to me is a very weird question but it turns out the reason she asked is because she had just spent two months in India on her own. This conversation is super easy because I can just sit there and let her talk and talk and talk. I do control the conversation as necessary and bring out specific things that I want to talk about. I also take this opportunity to frame her as someone who is independent, adventurous, and lives for new exciting experiences (see: the type of person who would have sex in a bathroom on an airplane with a  complete stranger).

After I’ve framed her the way I want to, I decide that it is now time to move into deeper comfort because I need to build up her identity and sexuality in a way that will empower her, while at the same time build that emotional connection that it’s going to take to get her to comply later on. I talk about the standard deep comfort stuff about some of the crazy shit that has happened in my life (those of you who know me know what I’m talking about), and how it has changed me and made me become much more accepting (see: non-judgmental) and empowered in my life.

I mix in a bunch of cold reads and get her to really open up. Things are going amazingly. She asks me about my tattoo, I ask her if she has any, she has one on her upper back right over her spine. I’m like, wow, that must have really hurt, and she sort of doesn’t give me an emphatic yes, so I tell her that I see what’s going on, that she obviously really liked it and it totally got her turned on. I called her a masochist, she blushes hard and laughs, it’s fucking on my friends!

Time check, my watch says it’s about 8am. I decide that it’s time to start transitioning into a let’s do something crazy mood so that I can pull her within the next half hour or so. I go into some stuff, things are going well, and I’m thinking in my head that in about 5 minutes I’ll be ready to get her to come with me. Then out of nowhere, the fasten seatbelt sign comes on, and we’ve begun our initial descent. I found out later that Austin is only ONE hour behind New York and thus me not having the time I thought I had. Flight attendants all over the aisles, people going to the bathroom while they still can, and I’m mad at myself on the inside.

About 5 minutes later, I tell her that I need to tell her something. Then in my phone sex voice, I whisper into her ear that when I came over to talk to her, it was because I thought she was really sexy and I figured that if things went well it might be fun to join the mile high club together. She blushes hard, and then thanks me and tells me that was really sweet and she’s really flattered. Without coming out and saying it, she basically says that she would have been down. FUCK ME!

Anyway, I get the number when we land, and I tell her we’ll talk later and maybe hang out that night. Later on she finds me at baggage claim and we talk for a while while we’re waiting for our rides since our plane was early. She introduces me to her family and tells me to call her later.

Keep in mind, all of this is before 10am Austin time. Stay tuned for Part 2 of this FU report, including blowing another lay later in the night with an even hotter girl.

Soapbox Issue: Slut vs. Hedonist and Sexual Liborator Game

This is a little bit of a soapbox issue for me because of some of the recent comments that have been made on my why I don’t date virgins post. It’s also important because it is a pillar of my game, particularly my SNL game.

When it comes to promiscuity in women, there are two types, and it’s important to understand the distinction. The first type is the common slut that people assume any woman who is promiscuous is. The second is the hedonist. While on the surface, their actions may be extremely similar, in fact they are totally different because of the intent behind the actions.

The common slut is incredibly insecure. In this way, she’s actually very similar to the 22+ year old virgin. This is why you hear a lot of stories about women who marry men as virgins and end up turning into cheating sluts after they get a taste of dick (one of the primary reasons that I mention in my virgins post as to why I want a girl to have some experience before she commits). The common slut may be a really good lay, but more often than not she’s actually really terrible in bed despite her overwhelming amount of experience. She isn’t as emotionally invested in the process and just doesn’t enjoy herself as much. These are the people who end up in sex addict groups or end up on the pole (although interestingly, strippers are usually very inexperienced sexually because they are so disgusted with men). These are the girls to avoid.

The hedonist, on the other hand, is totally different. The hedonist is completely comfortable with her femininity and her sexuality. She is independent and doesn’t care what other people think. This is why when she is attracted to someone, she is willing to act on it without feeling guilty. This is the type of woman that you want to get involved with in a long term situation. When you are hooking up with her, you feel connected to her and can tell that she is really enjoying every second of what she’s doing. When she’s giving you head she is loving every second of it, as if she has some kind of illness and your dick is the antidote. I haven’t met her, but I’d imagine that TBK is a great example of this type of woman, although she seems like someone who’s had to fight really hard throughout her life to get from slut to hedonist.

How This Relates to My Game: As I mentioned, I draw this distinction as a major part of my game. I’m going to give you a very high level understanding of what I do and why. Maybe sometime I’ll be more specific about what I say and do to accomplish these things, but for now it’s just going to be an overview.

A wise man once said, “we teach people how to treat us.” This is what sexual framing is all about. Your job is to frame her as the hedonist, not the slut. In the same way as you are sweet around your mother and an asshole around your enemies, women act differently around different guys, so why not be one of the guys that she acts like a hedonist around? This is why we talk about being non-judgmental and independent. I always always always tell women how attractive it is for a woman to know what she wants and go after it. They know what’s up when I’m saying that.

My whole game is centered around being her sexual liberator. Women, believe it or not, are extremely sexually frustrated. This is something that guys don’t understand. A woman will have 5 or 6 orbiters (a guy who really wants to be with her but she just sees as a friend) drooling over her and still bitch to her friends about not getting laid for months on end. So when I come along, I am the guy who makes it okay for her to let go of her insecurities and indulge in her desires and fantasies. For that night, she’s not a good girl, she’s not a slut, she is a WOMAN. A woman in touch with her desires and in control of her actions. For that night, or several nights, or more if we get involved in a relationship, we’re engaging in the most natural, honest, fun experience that two people can engage in. That’s why I think it’s funny when people on this blog try to criticize me or tell me that I’m dating low quality women, when in fact it’s the total opposite. Those are people who just don’t get it.

In general, my game is designed to pick up highly independent, intellectual and secure women. A byproduct of that is that I also tend to do really well with supersluts (case in point, my vegas LR) because if a girl never says “no” to me, I’ll have my dick in her mouth in 15 minutes or less. But another byproduct of this game is that I do really poorly with insecure women who most average guys might do really well with. Whereas the typical guy will be giving her validation by buying her drinks and complimenting her all night until she goes home with him, I tend to freak her out early by teasing or pushing too hard sexually. That’s totally fine with me though, because this is how I screen for my type, and a consequence of it is that I do better with my type. In the words of Brad P, “blow me out or blow me.”

P.S. I’m going to Austin this weekend to hang out with El Topo. Should be superfuntime.

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