Twitter Wars! Calling vs. Texting

So it all started when I checked out this clip from a TSB Magazine newsletter (by the way guys, if you’re not signed up for their newsletter, definitely get on that. TSB offers one of the most content rich newsletters out there, with all kinds of free ebooks and podcasts with all of your favorite gurus. They’re great guys, and are really doing their best to bring you an impartial view of the community and its material). Now I’ve never paraded myself around as an expert or a “Master Pick-Up Artist,” but there are a couple of things that I am VERY good at, and one of them is online game, and in particular texting and instant messaging. So when I saw this clip, I had to at least start a conversation.

If you don’t have time to check out the clip, the jist of it is that there’s this really cute blondie who’s frustrated because she can’t get a boyfriend. She talks about how she wants a man, and then goes on to talk about how these guys are texting her rather than calling her (thus unmasculine clearly). She refuses to respond to texts from guys, and hearing an example of a text I don’t really blame her, but she basically says that if you don’t call her she won’t respond to you.

This is where I decided to step in. I’m sorry hun, you’re cute, but that is just such a ridiculous reason to rule a guy out. It’s a trend that I’ve actually started to notice more and more lately; sexually frustrated women having these entitlement complexes (ehhem, Simone Grant) that are screwing up their dating lives. What makes you think you even deserve a phone call from me? In the same way that you gave your number out to 5 other guys, you should be assuming that I’m texting 5 other girls. I’m not going to just give you my undivided attention after meeting you for 10 minutes on the street and getting your number. That’s not the way it works.

Also, most girls these days, at least in my age range, hate talking on the phone. They grew up instant messaging on aol in 6th and 7th grade, and talking on the phone is just not something they like to do very often. That’s not to say that I don’t talk on the phone. In fact, usually I ping with a text and then call when she responds. I had a great example of one such conversation today.

This is a girl who emailed me on Match like a week after I emailed her, but her response was really good so I responded to her email and asked her for her number. 6 days go by and I figure that I must have offended her or whatever because I didn’t hear back. Then today, I go into match and realize that she had replied to me the same day, I just didn’t see it because it didn’t get forwarded into my regular email inbox. The following text message conversation ensued:

Hammer: Hey UNCGirl, it’s Hammer from match. Sorry for the week delay, your second email didn’t forward to my regular email inbox. Any big plans today?

UNCGirl: Hey there! Headed to my little cousin’s 2nd birthday party- very exciting, 🙂 How about you?

I call her immediately after receiving the text, she doesn’t pick up, which by the way, need I say more? Clearly some women prefer to text than talk on the phone. I’d go as far as to say that most do, until they know you better.

Hammer: Does sound exciting. Call me back

UNCGirl: I’m just getting ready. I’ll call you in a few! 🙂

Hammer: Mhm… Look it’s totally fine if you’re a 67 year old man. Not my thing, but I don’t judge 🙂

UNCGirl: Hahaha well don’t judge before you meet me! Saggy 67 year old balls just might be your thing and you just don’t know it yet. Drying my hair, call in 15!

Hammer: Well aren’t you sassy! I love it. What time does this birthday party go until? There’s a street fair in my neighborhood and I need a body guyard to protect me.

UNCGirl: Probably only 6ish but I’m two hours from the city.

Hammer: Sadface. I guess I’ll be resigned to my humble non-street fair attending existence.

UNCGirl: I have six vicious looking baby kittens that you could borrow for protection against the evils of the street fair?

Hammer: Don’t say things like that. I’m totally the type of person who would take you up on it.

She calls and we talk for a while. I tease her some and just pretty much be myself. I’d say 80% chance that we spend the night together on our first date.

So what does this text conversation teach us? Well let’s take a look at what I’ve accomplished here. I’ve set the frame of being non-judgmental. The conversation went sexual quickly, so for every interaction we have from now on, sex will be totally fair game. Also, since she went sexual first, she’s now in a sexual aggressor frame. She accepted this frame by asking me if we should make plans to hang out this week when we talked on the phone.

We had a super fun conversation on the phone and I’m really looking forward to hanging out with her. I told her I’d give her a call later to make plans. If I wanted to, I’m sure I could turn that phone conversation into a lot more, but there’s no real need unless our schedules don’t work this week.

Back to the point at hand though: So I send Scot McKay an @ reply telling him that I think it’s bad advice to tell guys to call girls, and the shit storm starts. Scot was very civil and I really like the guy, I’ve always liked his stuff, particularly when it comes to relationship management, but there were definitely some fanboys who stepped in (@SidSmitty) who were a little overboard. Also, I started to make the point about entitlement issues and referenced @SimoneGrant, which brought up a whole new conversation (Speaking of which, Simone, trying to insult my intelligence just makes you look insecure, and I know it was kind of a low blow calling you out for being single at 39, but at least I’m not being totally baseless like you are). It’s way too long a conversation and spans 4 days, but it’s definitely been a lot of fun. I do respect Scot a lot for holding his frame and being civil about it, as compared with someone like Smitty or Simone who came off as needy and insecure respectively. I feel like I have a lot more to say on this topic, but I’m off to do some day game so it’ll have to wait.

New Years with C&R

Just bought my ticket for the Maxim Radion party on New Years Eve. It’s actually in conjunction with Bad Boy Records, so it will undoubtedly be off the chain, with a plethora of women involved. I’m stoked.

The WAR On FRUMPINESS

Consider this post a declaration of war. I am initiating the War on Frumpiness. I’m not going to do, what everyone thinks I’m going to do… All I want to know is, who’s coming with me?

Women’s fashion has been going downhill for a while. I think the Olsen twins might have started this trend, but it has gotten way out of hand. The pregnant shirts, the Ugg boots, the Crocs, the leggings, the Chinese slippers, etc. It needs to stop!

I hate being in a bar and seeing a girl in a shirt that fits loosely around her stomach and not being sure whether she’s chubbo or not. This is important information women. You’re basically lying to me with your appearance if you don’t give me that information. Yea I’m superficial, but I have that right. But do you really want to sleep with me and then not get called again because I didn’t realize until I was fucking you that you were fat? You can avoid this by not hiding that shit. You’ll be weeding out superficial pricks like myself!

And the leggings! Come on. Fucking Lindsey Lohan and her hippie trendsetting. Yea it’s cold, I get it, but you’re supposed to deal with that discomfort because you get an insane amount of advantages as a result. I hate leggings for a couple of reasons. First of all, they’re an extra layer to get off, so rather than just being able to lift up the skirt and pull the panties to the side, I have to pull those things down and off. Second, they hide a girl’s legs and as a result she’s less likely to shave, which is so gross when you do make it into the funk shop with her. Third, they’re ugly! I want to see your sexy feminine legs and touch your soft skin, not this black spandex shit that you call fashionable.

Then we come to the footwear. Uggs, Crocs, sandals, knee high boots, get the fuck out. Am I the only guy who still finds a woman’s calves and ankles attractive? What dudes are putting up with this shit? When you are dressed to impress, why go and ruin it with these frumpy shoes? Put on heels. I don’t care if they’re uncomfortable, I know plenty of women who exclusively wear heels (mostly because they’re short) and if they can deal with it, you can too. I’m not wearing new balance sneakers everywhere I go, you shouldn’t be wearing the female equivalent.

Lastly, fuck all of you guys for putting up with this shit from women. I am drawing the line in the sand right now. If a woman is wearing any of the above mentioned items of clothing to a night club or bar on a night out, I am not bothering (I’ll forgive it for an exceptionally beautiful woman if it’s during the day).

And maybe you ladies are saying, “Oh whatever, look at this egomaniac, I don’t care if he hits on me.” Well you should care, because I am a very attractive man. Interesting, brilliant, energetic, hilarious, great dancer, and I will curl those toes like no one ever has.

To the guys, who’s coming with me? Support me in the War on Frumpiness!

I’ll leave you with this video to inspire the ladies to dress well:

Sexy vs Plain

Poetry: Dream Girl

 

Sunshine and rainbows, things started out

 

Texting throughout the day.

Jokes and flirting made the workday pass

Never running out of things to say.

Who would have thought, a couple texts

Coupled with the bouncing of the train

Could make you come, on MetroNorth

Stimulating only your brain.

And now you’re gone

I must move on

It makes me want to scream.

You could have been my Dream Girl

But now you’re just a dream.

 

And now you want to be a friend

Much to my dismay.

I will not be your friend, I said

So please just go away.

Too bad that chump is lame and square

You settled for safe, a man who can’t lead.

I’m not the one to fill that void

Go find a gay guy, that’s what you need.

Can’t be your friend

I must contend

I’ve cut you from my team.

You could have been my Dream Girl

But now you’re just a dream.

 

So many things, came between us

From family emergencies to injuries

Then there was that sibling pressure

Enough with the baseless judgments, please.

Deep down I know we could be great

If you’d just give us a fair shot.

The window’s open, make your move

Give a brand new ending to this age old plot.

I confess it’s true

I still love you

Your voice still makes me gleam.

You could have been my Dream Girl

But now you’re just a dream.

DramaTel and SpoofCard

This post represents a mixture of a public service announcement and a random musing. If you have a tendency to mess around on your spouse or even just weigh your options behind his/her back, make sure you read on.

Have any of you heard of either Dramatel or SpoofCard? I couldn’t believe my ears when I heard Covino & Rich talking about this today on the show. For those of you who don’t know, these services essentially mask your phone number from caller id and allow you to put another number in its place. In addition, you have the option of distorting your voice up or down to make it sound male or female (apparently it’s particularly good at making female voices deeper). Try this out once and you will be amazed at the amount of faith we put in the caller id on our phones. 

Cheaters beware! If you are screwing around behind your significant other’s back, be very careful how you answer the phone when you’re being called, particularly if you’re ignoring your boy/girlfriend’s calls at that time. 

Slackers beware! When you call out sick from work, make sure that you are careful and consistent with the charade, particularly if your boss has emergency contacts on file. I’m definitely going to keep these two services in the back of my mind in case I need them.

I know this commercial is incredibly cheesy and looks like a joke/spoof, but it’s not.

My first post: who am I and what am I writing about?

Hello people reading this (no one yet). My name is Hammer. Well, that’s not really my name, but it’s always been a nickname so let’s just go with it. I am not quite sure what the direction of this weblog is going in, so there’s definitely a good chance that I am going to want to maintain my anonymity.

So a couple of things about me: I think I’m pretty cool. You’ll either love me, or hate me, or think I’m okay (that’s my homage to the late and great Mitch Hedberg). I’m a 22 year old graduate of an elite university, working in the technology sector. I am born and raised in New York city, and though I went away for college, I moved back home afterward and am currently living with my mom.

As I start to write on this blog, I’ll fill in more about me and my life, and you’ll hopefully get to know and love me, but for now I want to stay away from the boring stuff and finish up this introductory post by discussing what this blog will be about and why you should subscribe. Topics on this blog will include sports, tech, dating, sex, politics, movies, tv shows, and anything else that I feel the urge to write about. Rather than going into more detail describing what the blog is about, I think I’m just going to jump right into the content.

Hammer86