LR – If You Hook Hard Enough, The Logistics Work Themselves Out

As you guys know, I rarely write lay reports, and when I do it’s because there’s something novel or particularly interesting to report. This LR is does have some interesting characteristics, but it’s also super relevant to the two things I’ve been working on lately: hooking hard and endgame logistics.

Alright so last night started out kind of swoot (the opposite of sweet). I was supposed to hang out with a girl that night but it ended up not happening. I was looking forward to a nice chill night ending in sex, and was pretty fucking tired, so needless to say I wasn’t in state. I meet up with my buddy Hotshot and we head over to Butterfield 8 for an open bar. I get a couple of drinks in me, but I’m still feeling like going  home and sleeping.

Hotshot is meeting up with a bunch of friends, so I tag along and we end up at some bar I don’t know the name of in east midtown. I’m standing there sort of chilling but I’m definitely seeing some beautiful women there and it’s getting me a little more excited. I see a girl in particular who seems like my steez talking to one of Hotshot’s/my friend and am starting to concoct convenient ways to be introduced. A couple minutes later she comes over to Hotshot and they do in fact know each other. He introduces us to this girl, who we’ll call Holly because I have a feeling she’ll be coming up some more.

Before I go any further, let me just say that this girl was my type. and as I’ve said before, if a girl is my type, it’s just fucking on and there’s nothing that can stop it. From the handshake I know it’s on. She leaves her hand in mine for a least five seconds, and I basically see this as an invitation to game her. We bullshit a little bit about her real name, I’m giving her my aggressive kino with body rocking, and all is right with the world. The bar we’re in has another room behind the main upstairs bar, which on first glance looks like a mirror, and the second I mention it she takes the initiative on conducting an “investigation.”

As we’re about to cross the door jam, I stop and make a big scene about how I’m afraid I’m going to bump my face into the mirror, so we sort of hold hands and do it together. So now it’s hotshot and I talking to Holly, although Hotshot realizes that it’s mostly just me gaming her and excuses himself away. Unfortunately though, as he’s doing this her roommate comes over, and I stand there and let the interrupt happen. Holly introduces us, but then they proceed to chat leaving me there standing alone like a doofus.

Rather than waiting for the conversation to come back to me like a tool, I decide to open another set right next to us. The objective was fully to create a jealousy plot line with Holly. I tell the girl that I’m really close to temporarily stealing her hat. This set doesn’t open very well but I plow because I want it to look like it hooked to everyone looking on, and specifically Holly. A couple minutes later I eject and it looks like Holly and her roommate have disappeared back to the other side of the bar.

I go back to find Hotshot, and as our conversation starts I tell him that we’re going to position ourselves strategically so I can reopen Holly in a little while. She’s talking to two people, an older french dude and a girl. I assume that this is a non issue even though she’s being very flirty because I thought the guy and the girl were together, but it turns out they were siblings. Anyway, I see an opening and pretend to run into her with a “Hey!” and a hug.

She introduces me to the two frenchies and then I use some body language to cut her off from the group a bit, picking up our conversation right where we left off (her major in school). I find out that the french dude and the girl are siblings, and realize I need to separate this now because they work together and she’s flirting with him. She asks me about my tattoo and I tell them both that it’s kind of personal and I don’t know them well enough to tell them about it. Frenchie decides to get himself and Holly beers, big mistake dumbass!

I talk to Holly for a bit, then sit down on a couch mid sentence right near where we are standing. At first she stays standing talking to me, but soon sits on the armrest because I’m leaning back on the couch and it’s hard for her to hear. As she sits on the armrest, I scoot over giving her room to sit and she complies. I go straight into my tattoo story and how it’s related to the health stuff that’s happened into my life. I cold read her telling her that I can tell that she has had an experience in her life that made her grow up really fast. She starts opening up about her dad and stuff, and it’s definitely on.

Frenchie comes back with her beer, she thanks him for it and turns back to talk to me. I tell her about how going through my health stuff it’s really changed me not so much internally but definitely in how I present myself to the world. She’s qualifying herself to me hard, particularly sexually, and telling me how much different I am from most guys. Hotshot says he’s leaving, and Holly offers to come with us to wherever we’re going next. I tell her that Hotshot’s going home and I’m going to stick here, but as I say it I realize that she was trying to make logistics happen, so I go for the pull. It doesn’t happen that second, but a couple of minutes later we’re walking out of the venue.

I say we should go to her house, but even though it’s close it’s really not an option because she has people staying there. I tell her that I live at home but we can go there in a pinch. We talk for a bit and I decide I’m going to grab us a cab and lead. I tell the driver where I live, and she gets a little weirded out by how far uptown it is, and considers just getting out, but I sort of ignore this and distract her with conversation. She has this idea in her head that I am this huge player or something, and I’m trying to essentially deflect without denying the comments, but assure her that she’s particularly awesome and totally my type, which is true.

The plan is to go back to my house and smoke with my sister, but she’s not going to be home yet, so I decide we’re going to go up to the roof. I ask the doorman to turn off the alarm, and he’s hesitant but she plays along and begs him playfully saying how badly she wants to see the stars. I knew that he would let us up, he’s the coolest doorman we have and was just busting my balls.

I haven’t made out with Holly yet, so when the elevator door closes I shove her against the wall and start making out. We get onto the roof and take a look at the view for a bit, then decide to climb up a ladder to “the castle” as we call it which is where my sister loves to smoke more than anywhere else. The whole time she’s giving me shit about being this crazy player, and I keep thinking I might lose the lay. Make out some more, start trying to pull off her shirt. I undo her bra and am about to pull it off, but I start getting some resistance. More anti-player defense. She redoes her bra and pulls her shirt back down.

A couple minutes later I start escalating again, but this time she sort of takes it to the next level by grabbing my cock through my pants so I decide that I’m totally okay getting her naked. Shirt off, bra off, pants unbuttoned. She apologizes for her hairy pussy because she is between waxes and will be getting waxed next week. She wouldn’t let me go down on her because of it, which was fucking lame, but whatever, it’s all good. I unbutton my pants and let her take my cock out, and as she does she gets on her knees like a good girl would and starts sucking it, which soon turns into me fucking her face.

Soon we start fucking. I pick her up and am fucking her mid air on a rooftop for a bit, but decide to change it up because I can’t hold that position forever. She gets freaked out that she’s naked on a rooftop and it seems like she’s about to go home. I get a lot more shit for being a huge player with really smooth game (note to self, tone down the smoothness a little), she even calls it game! I’m so ready for her to ask me if I’ve seen the VH1 show and stuff. Anyway, we continue talking as she gets dressed again, and eventually invites herself back to my room.

I call the doorman and tell him to set the alarm again, and soon we get on the elevator back to my floor. This is where it becomes really important that I had hooked her that hard… As we get out of the elevator, I see my mom standing there in the doorway! No idea what the fuck she’s going up, but I guess in hindsight it wasn’t as late as I though it was, we had left the bar around 1:30 which is really early in New York. I play it like it’s no big deal and just escort her straight back toward my room without saying anything. I show her in, then close a bunch of doors so that the noise won’t carry. Come back into my room and start taking off my clothes as if I’m getting ready for bed all while having just a conversation about whatever. I’m down to my boxer briefs and she tells me that I’m fucking gorgeous, which is always nice to hear. I make out with her a bit, then tell her to strip for me. She agrees, but won’t let me take pictures :(.

From there it was just over. She got on top and made herself cum on my dick, then we fucked for a little bit longer before I came in her mouth. She swallowed it all like a good girl should. We lay down, have some pillow talk, more player shit, I tell her that I actually really like her and want her to sleep over, eventually she agrees. We spoon all night, get up and have sex again in the morning. I do the deep spot on her and she says it was amazing and asks me what I did because she’d never had an orgasm like that before. I make breakfast, and she leaves around 11:30 because she has to go to work. We make plans for hanging out later, but she may need to go to Westchester tonight or something, so we’ll have to see how that plays out.

Before we break, let’s just quickly go over the logistical issues that had to be overcame: She was out with a ton of friends, she had people staying over at her house, she was opposed to going that far uptown, she was opposed to going to my mom’s house, she was freaked out about having sex on a roof, my mom was standing there as I brought her home, and of course the whole time she th ought I was a huge player (which I guess I can’t blame her for…). While I handled my logistics as best as I could, when it came down to it, it was all about hooking and compliance.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]
Posted in sex. Tags: . Leave a Comment »

FU Report – Long Weekend in Austin (Part 2)

We hang out at the house for a while, and check out Austin before going to see Savage talk on female sexuality. By the way, this talk was fucking amazing, and while I didn’t get too much out of it personally since I’m just sort of past that point in my game, I can’t begin to tell you how much having heard this talk when I was just starting out would have accelerated my learning curve. Savage is giving that same talk at the Under 21 Convention and I will all but guarantee that it will be one of the top 5 talks there. I’ll post a link to it on this blog if/when it goes up on the site.

As we’re heading out, I talk to HBWorldTraveler and try to make plans to see her, but after talking to her a couple of times and working out temporary plans she ends up not calling me back, so I next her ass like that show on MTV. We go out, El Topo was on teaching duty, so I tag along for a bit with them before breaking off to do my own thing. We started at Molotov on W. 6th St.

As a side note, it never ceases to amaze me how hard and quickly Steve (El Topo) hooks. He did a seated two set as a demo, and within a minute or two they are all over him. It’s really unreal. I used to think it was just superpowers, but it’s something that I’ve been specifically working on since doing my program with him and learning how he does it, and I’ve started to see flashes of those results. Last weekend (the weekend after Austin), for example, I met a really awesome girl (super cute, works in investment banking, similar sense of humor and music tastes) for 10 minutes early in the night, and while I didn’t think it was going very well, she told me to take her number, and I sort of realized at that point that I was just misreading her. After I took her number, I made sure she had mine and told her to text me later and let me know where she is. She must have known what that meant because she ended up texting me at 3:10am. Granted, I didn’t check it until about 4:30, but I’ve hung out with her since then and it’s pretty fucking on.

Anyway, Molotov was a pretty cool place, definitely the type of place I would regularly hit up if I lived there, although the crowd was maybe a little older on average than I’d like. We end up bouncing around a bit at which point I basically decide that it’s time for me to go solo. I head back to Molotov and start doing my thing. I walk in, stop, gaze the room for a minute, then proceed upstairs. Right as I get up there, the Cupid Shuffle comes on, and so I try to organize people to get it going but no one’s playing along. So fuck them, I start doing the Cupid Shuffle myself. People start joining me, and by the end of the song I’m leading a group of maybe 20 people dancing in unison. Of course, while this is going on, I’m deciding who I’m going to approach and how.

The song ends, and I see a super hottie, at least a 9 (call her HBNurse), with a friend. I go in, grab her and open direct, exchange names, meet her friend, and mini-isolate her. It’s pretty on. We’re talking, she asks me where my drink is, I tell her I haven’t gotten one yet and she should buy me one. She laughs and says that I should be the one offering to buy her one. I explain to her that I’m awesome and don’t need to pay for women’s attention so I don’t do that, and I think it’s kind of weird that women are okay with guys buying them drinks and that I can’t imagine a confident and independent woman letting a random guy she doesn’t know buy her a drink.

We talk for a while, she decides we should go get drinks, so I use my get waited on first at a crowded bar tactic and order both of our drinks. Without asking she hands me the money for her drink, and all is well. We go sit down, I’m feeling pretty good about the whole situation. At some point she decides she’s going to Rodeo because she knows a bartender who can get her in. I ask her if she can get me in and she says yes. Fuck Up #1, I left my drink Upstairs. We go downstairs with her friend and they tell me that they’re going to finish their drinks and go. Since I left my drink upstairs, they encourage me to go up and get it. It seems like they’re stalling for a way to get rid of me, meaning I either totally misread her interest or more likely she isn’t that confident about being able to get me in, so I tell her that I’m going to go get my drink, and as I’m walking up the stairs I see them whisper to each other and basically run out the door. I take out my phone and text her saying that I’m going to stay there for a while and go ahead without me, but I had already invited her to party at the house so I figure I’d try to text her after everything closes and see if I can make it happen.

There are a couple of things that are important here. First, I number closed her early on in the set in case shit happens later and give her a logistical reason to hang out. Second, I rid her of the guilt of ditching me by excusing her. If she had just ditched me without me making that excuse for her, she’d probably feel too guilty about it to talk to me again because women are very sensitive to social pressure. When I get a text back from her saying “Okay!” as a response to my I’m going to stick around Molotov text, I decide that it’s probably still on.

I grab my beer upstairs and go back down. One of the guys from the lair talk earlier comes up to me and starts talking to me trying to give me advice on my body language with HBNurse. He was going to tell me that my body language was too needy, but what he doesn’t get is that it was on and we were stomach to stomach with my hands pulling her into my dick at the hips. This is a major pet peeve, and so I overreacted, so John if you’re reading this, again I’m sorry about what I said. It was kind of douchey of me to tell you that I don’t need your advice because I’m probably a lot better than you. I decide to prove to John that going direct with aggressive body language actually works really well and probably better than his indirect bullshit, so I tell him to come wing. I see this two set at the bar, one girl is really cute and the other isn’t, but I open the cute one direct, introduce myself, get her name, introduce John to her and then her friend, and then backturn John and the friend to game the cutie. I start talking to HBVeterinarian, things seem like they’re going well, so screen for logistics to try to get her to our “afterparty.” It’s a no go, and me asking her what she’s up to later reminds her that she was in the middle of closing out her tab and leaving, but I number close her in like 5 minutes in front of this guy and tell her we should hang out later.

I go back to John and apologize to him for being such a dick, then head out to meet Steve and his student. We head over to Katz’s Diner for some food, when I get a text from HBNurse saying that she just left Rodeo and is outside. Fuck Up#2: I text her telling her to come to Katz’s and meet me. Right after I do it, Steve tells me that CJ would never do that, he would run out and get her, controlling the logistics. I decide that is enough of a reason to do it, and I go back to Rodeo, but there’s a big crowd and I get lazy so decide fuck it she’s contacted me once and she’ll do it again.

Cut to an hour later, we’re in the car going back and she texts me asking where the party is. She had gone to a gay bar after closing time or something and was just leaving. Alright great, I ask her if she has a GPS, she does, so I give her the address. Fuck Up #3: Having a conscience about bending the truth. We continue texting, and I feel a little bad about her expecting a party when there’s really nothing going on, so I basically try to switch strategies. My strategy is now, the party is dying, but come over so we can fuck. I start textcalating, but it doesn’t happen.

I guess my end game logistics still need some work.

Posted in dating, sex. 6 Comments »

FU Report – Long Weekend in Austin (Part 1)

Last weekend I was in Austin hanging out with El Topo. It was a lot of fun and WOW is the house that he’s in ridiculous. The guy who owns it is an interesting and bizarre story on his own, but it’s not really my place to discuss it. Anyway, this Fuck Up Report is about two almost sure lays that I lost on the same day. Needless to say, my end game logistics still need quite a lot of work.

My flight is out of Newark at 6:55am on Friday. I wake up at about 4:15 and get ready. I’m already packed, so I get ready as quickly as possible and leave. I waited for the subway for about 15 minutes, and as a result I barely make the NJTransit train by maybe a minute or two (if it had left on time I would have missed it). Had I missed that train, I would not have made my flight.

Anyway, I get to the airport, barely get my bag checked in time, and by the time I get to the gate the whole plane has boarded, but it’s not like the closed the gate behind me or anything so I was alright. The plane is one of the planes with three seats on each side of the  aisle, and it’s not full so when I get to my seat, it’s me on the window and a cute blondie on the aisle.

As I sit down I open her with a “Hello.” Guys, this is a really important point about any day game situation. When I sit down and say hello right out of the gate, it is totally normal that I have just started a conversation with the person sitting next to me. If I wait and build up the courage while she sits there reading a magazine, it becomes far more awkward going forward. Anyway, things are going alright, we talk for a while and it’s just not going where I want it to go, plus  it sounds like she doesn’t have very good logistics in Austin, not to mention she’s not old enough to go to bars.

So I write it off as a maybe I’ll take her number and try to invite her over the house with some friends and close someone through more of a social circle avenue, but in the meantime I read Sinn’s Lay Reports Book on my kindle and then go to sleep for a bit. When I wake up, and this becomes important later, I decide I should set my watch to Austin time. I know that my flight is scheduled to land around 10 but the captain said it would be maybe a half hour early, so I set my watch two hours behind (WRONG!) so that I can monitor the time in case I do turn things around with this girl and want to go for the Mile High Lay. She sleeping though, and I look across the aisle and see this cute hipster type of girl with headphones on sitting on the window by herself.

I get up, go to the bathroom, and come back and sit next to HBWorldTraveler. She’s really hot but definitely dressed pretty grimily in that hipster kind of way, but needless to say I would, as would any of you. She notices me sit there and shifts her body toward me and takes off her headphones. I open her with a hello, I was kind of bored and couldn’t sleep so I figured I’d come and talk to you. She’s all excited that she now has someone to talk to, and so we’re off to the races.

She asks me where I’m flying from, which to me is a very weird question but it turns out the reason she asked is because she had just spent two months in India on her own. This conversation is super easy because I can just sit there and let her talk and talk and talk. I do control the conversation as necessary and bring out specific things that I want to talk about. I also take this opportunity to frame her as someone who is independent, adventurous, and lives for new exciting experiences (see: the type of person who would have sex in a bathroom on an airplane with a  complete stranger).

After I’ve framed her the way I want to, I decide that it is now time to move into deeper comfort because I need to build up her identity and sexuality in a way that will empower her, while at the same time build that emotional connection that it’s going to take to get her to comply later on. I talk about the standard deep comfort stuff about some of the crazy shit that has happened in my life (those of you who know me know what I’m talking about), and how it has changed me and made me become much more accepting (see: non-judgmental) and empowered in my life.

I mix in a bunch of cold reads and get her to really open up. Things are going amazingly. She asks me about my tattoo, I ask her if she has any, she has one on her upper back right over her spine. I’m like, wow, that must have really hurt, and she sort of doesn’t give me an emphatic yes, so I tell her that I see what’s going on, that she obviously really liked it and it totally got her turned on. I called her a masochist, she blushes hard and laughs, it’s fucking on my friends!

Time check, my watch says it’s about 8am. I decide that it’s time to start transitioning into a let’s do something crazy mood so that I can pull her within the next half hour or so. I go into some stuff, things are going well, and I’m thinking in my head that in about 5 minutes I’ll be ready to get her to come with me. Then out of nowhere, the fasten seatbelt sign comes on, and we’ve begun our initial descent. I found out later that Austin is only ONE hour behind New York and thus me not having the time I thought I had. Flight attendants all over the aisles, people going to the bathroom while they still can, and I’m mad at myself on the inside.

About 5 minutes later, I tell her that I need to tell her something. Then in my phone sex voice, I whisper into her ear that when I came over to talk to her, it was because I thought she was really sexy and I figured that if things went well it might be fun to join the mile high club together. She blushes hard, and then thanks me and tells me that was really sweet and she’s really flattered. Without coming out and saying it, she basically says that she would have been down. FUCK ME!

Anyway, I get the number when we land, and I tell her we’ll talk later and maybe hang out that night. Later on she finds me at baggage claim and we talk for a while while we’re waiting for our rides since our plane was early. She introduces me to her family and tells me to call her later.

Keep in mind, all of this is before 10am Austin time. Stay tuned for Part 2 of this FU report, including blowing another lay later in the night with an even hotter girl.

Soapbox Issue: Slut vs. Hedonist and Sexual Liborator Game

This is a little bit of a soapbox issue for me because of some of the recent comments that have been made on my why I don’t date virgins post. It’s also important because it is a pillar of my game, particularly my SNL game.

When it comes to promiscuity in women, there are two types, and it’s important to understand the distinction. The first type is the common slut that people assume any woman who is promiscuous is. The second is the hedonist. While on the surface, their actions may be extremely similar, in fact they are totally different because of the intent behind the actions.

The common slut is incredibly insecure. In this way, she’s actually very similar to the 22+ year old virgin. This is why you hear a lot of stories about women who marry men as virgins and end up turning into cheating sluts after they get a taste of dick (one of the primary reasons that I mention in my virgins post as to why I want a girl to have some experience before she commits). The common slut may be a really good lay, but more often than not she’s actually really terrible in bed despite her overwhelming amount of experience. She isn’t as emotionally invested in the process and just doesn’t enjoy herself as much. These are the people who end up in sex addict groups or end up on the pole (although interestingly, strippers are usually very inexperienced sexually because they are so disgusted with men). These are the girls to avoid.

The hedonist, on the other hand, is totally different. The hedonist is completely comfortable with her femininity and her sexuality. She is independent and doesn’t care what other people think. This is why when she is attracted to someone, she is willing to act on it without feeling guilty. This is the type of woman that you want to get involved with in a long term situation. When you are hooking up with her, you feel connected to her and can tell that she is really enjoying every second of what she’s doing. When she’s giving you head she is loving every second of it, as if she has some kind of illness and your dick is the antidote. I haven’t met her, but I’d imagine that TBK is a great example of this type of woman, although she seems like someone who’s had to fight really hard throughout her life to get from slut to hedonist.

How This Relates to My Game: As I mentioned, I draw this distinction as a major part of my game. I’m going to give you a very high level understanding of what I do and why. Maybe sometime I’ll be more specific about what I say and do to accomplish these things, but for now it’s just going to be an overview.

A wise man once said, “we teach people how to treat us.” This is what sexual framing is all about. Your job is to frame her as the hedonist, not the slut. In the same way as you are sweet around your mother and an asshole around your enemies, women act differently around different guys, so why not be one of the guys that she acts like a hedonist around? This is why we talk about being non-judgmental and independent. I always always always tell women how attractive it is for a woman to know what she wants and go after it. They know what’s up when I’m saying that.

My whole game is centered around being her sexual liberator. Women, believe it or not, are extremely sexually frustrated. This is something that guys don’t understand. A woman will have 5 or 6 orbiters (a guy who really wants to be with her but she just sees as a friend) drooling over her and still bitch to her friends about not getting laid for months on end. So when I come along, I am the guy who makes it okay for her to let go of her insecurities and indulge in her desires and fantasies. For that night, she’s not a good girl, she’s not a slut, she is a WOMAN. A woman in touch with her desires and in control of her actions. For that night, or several nights, or more if we get involved in a relationship, we’re engaging in the most natural, honest, fun experience that two people can engage in. That’s why I think it’s funny when people on this blog try to criticize me or tell me that I’m dating low quality women, when in fact it’s the total opposite. Those are people who just don’t get it.

In general, my game is designed to pick up highly independent, intellectual and secure women. A byproduct of that is that I also tend to do really well with supersluts (case in point, my vegas LR) because if a girl never says “no” to me, I’ll have my dick in her mouth in 15 minutes or less. But another byproduct of this game is that I do really poorly with insecure women who most average guys might do really well with. Whereas the typical guy will be giving her validation by buying her drinks and complimenting her all night until she goes home with him, I tend to freak her out early by teasing or pushing too hard sexually. That’s totally fine with me though, because this is how I screen for my type, and a consequence of it is that I do better with my type. In the words of Brad P, “blow me out or blow me.”

P.S. I’m going to Austin this weekend to hang out with El Topo. Should be superfuntime.

Posted in dating, sex. 4 Comments »


Tuesday night I went out with a couple buddies to kick some game. There are a couple of places in NYC that have a good scene on Tuesday nights due to open bars from 11-12, so I usually go out despite having to work the next day, although I often don’t stay out past 1 or 1:30 unless it’s ON with a girl. This kind of sucks because a lot of the hotties are not even arriving until 1 or later and even if they’re there and it’s on they probably won’t leave you this early in the night.

Things were going well; I had been doing my typical thing where I had a few girls attracted that I could re-open at any time, although none that were getting my sperm jumping and none interested enough to pull. Out of no where, I get a text booty call from a number I don’t know. Now getting booty called isn’t new to me, but this was the first time that I’ve ever been booty called by a number that was not in my phone, I mean, typically when a girl gets deleted from my phone it’s because the number’s pretty dead. I start wondering who it is, asking girls I’m talking to about it, etc. Anyway, here’s the text convo:

MysteryGirl: Hey you

Hammer: Hey, what’s up?

MysteryGirl: I’m in the city for the week.

Hammer: Where are you right now?

MysteryGirl: Tenjune

Hammer: You know what’s weird? I totally don’t remember where we first met (trying to get some clue as to who this girl is)

MysteryGirl: Me either (swoot, that’s really all she could give me?)

Hammer: Okay im not gonna lie, I don’t know who you are. Who are you?

MysteryGirl: Firstname Middlename Lastname of new york (from now on FlakeyIsraeli)

Hammer: Oh gotchya, How was the holy land? (I am facebook friends with her and so I knew she was living in Israel)

FlakeyIsraeli: Still fab, in ny for the week (she’s repeating herself, first sign of her maybe being too drunk)

Hammer: Where are you staying?

FI: W p3ents not gonna lie (weird misspellings, second sign)

H: K well let’s meet and go back to my place. Now.

FI: Where r u

H: I’m at Happy Ending. Lower east

H: Your turn to pay for the cab btw

FI: Ooooooooo

H: I’m walking west and up. Grab a cab and come pick me up

FI: Come grab a cab anc cmr piv mr up (really bad spelling, alright this is probably not happening)

H: I’m walking west on houston. Meet me and we’ll grab a cab

H: I’m at houston and 7th ave. Where are you?

H: Alright well im gonna hop on the subway and head home. You can meet me there if you want. X St and X Ave. Otherwise we can hang tomorrow

Alright so a little back story. I met this girl in December on a Friday in one of my bars where I’m a regular. It’s a bar that has great logistics and is pretty close (20 minute walk 5 minute cab) as well as cheap drinks, but is very hit or miss talentwise. Anyway, long story short, I open her at like 1:30, it’s on. We talk for a bit, I pull her to the couches in the back, she gives me sexual innuendo opening and I barge through it with cold reads about her being submissive and liking it rough. I tease a bit, then give her a little caveman stuff and start making out with her. I quickly escalate the makeout and go to my signature neck move and she starts to get turned on. I screen logistics, make out more. I tell her let’s go somewhere, she says she can’t leave her friends. I go back to signature neck move, she gets really turned on and says “alright, let’s go.”

I close out my tab, she talks to her friends, we grab a cab to her place down on Wall St. This was probably my first big mistake. I live nearby (but with my parents), she lives 6 miles away (but alone), so I figured let’s just do it and I’ll keep her buying temperature high in the cab by escalating. But the whole time, her friend is being really bitchy, mad that she left with me. Long story short, I pay for the cab, we get to her lobby, she’s sitting on the floor texting the friend, I tell her we should go upstairs because I have to use the bathroom. She doesn’t move. I wait like 5 minutes, but I really did have to use the bathroom, so I ran across the street and pissed in an alley.

When I got back, she was gone. The doorman said she went upstairs, but I don’t have her number or apartment number or even last name. I wait for a bit but then just bounce. She did have a weird first name though and I new her school so I facebook her, sending her a message saying that I’m going to have to punish her for ditching me like that, but also leaving her my number telling her to hit me up. I don’t expect much, after all, she did ditch me, but Saturday night when I’m out I get a text from her at like 10ish. I try to set something up, she sort of stops responding at some point, oh well. A couple of days later I try to schedule something with her, she flakes. Then a few days later, I text her and she doesn’t respond. I don’t care that much because this girl is a 7 (hot enough to fuck but not quite hot enough to be a girlfriend), so I pretty much give up and the next time I went through numbers in my phone I deleted hers. Cut to Tuesday over 4 months later, she texts me out of the blue at 1:30am.

So I texted her the next day when I got home from work:

H: Hey what are you up to tonight? Let’s hang

FI: Omg did I text you last night

H: Lol yea you totally booty called me.

FI: Ha! Apparently chamagne and xanax are an awful combo!

H: Yea that’s definitely a little dangerous. We were going to get together but at some point you stopped responding so i figured you were too drunk and just went home

FI: Interesting. Idk. Woke up at a friends from home, not even sure when or how I met up with him. So there’s that!

This is a typical shit test. She is testing me for neediness, talking about staying at a friend’s and making a point to mention he’s a guy. I’m trying to frame a casual sex encounter so she’s testing me to see if I’ll get jealous.

H: Lol well if you got to me i imagine you were probably booty calling your whole phone

I’m not sure how well I handled this, but the objective was to basically portray that I really don’t care if she fucked another guy instead of me by assuming that he was a booty call as well.

FI: Ha he’s just a friend I’m really close with his gf, guess I’m a bad booty caller. Winning blackout cocktail last night!!! Haha its my one week in town going nuts I guess

She qualifies herself to me by making sure that I know that nothing happened; green light.

H: Well we still have some unfinished business. I have plans for you woman

FI: Is that so…?

She’s giving me rope, waiting to see if I’ll reel her in with it or hang myself, but she’s not blowing me out, so that’s good.

H: Yes, it is. You’ve been quite the trouble maker. A very very bad girl.

FI: Impossible, I moved to the holy land! Saint not a sinner!

She bites, I’ve framed her as the girl who goes to church on Sunday after letting the football team run a train on her Saturday night.

H: You may play a saint over there, but i can tell that you’re just begging for someone to treat you like the little slut you really are

FI: That turned me on way more than you know…let’s hope your game is as good as you talk

By game she means sexual prowess, obviously. She’s basically agreed to have sex with me here.

H: Let’s hope you know how to turn that sass off or i may have to leave some marks

FI: Yum

Here she’s not playing ball anymore, so even though I wanted to get more vulgar, she’s done for now.

H: Come over later. Wear a skirt

FI: I’m in westchester, we’ll see

H: You can stay over as long as you dont mind me kicking you out tomorrow morning when i go to work. Just say you’re going out again

FI: Not a matter of the parents, more a matter of my willingness to be sociable + hangover

H: The dopamine released in your brain after you squirt should take care of teh hangover. Don’t worry about being social

This is where I start to fuck up. The sex talk is done, we’re talking logistics, yet in my mind I was still ready to pump her buying temperature.

FI: A little graphic for dinner time, no?

I misread this as a shit test and tried to hold my frame, but it was miscalibrated.

H: Not by my standards

FI: Classy

H: Lol yea I’m a class act

I texted her again later seeing if she was coming into the city and it didn’t happen. I invited her to a show I was going to be in Thursday and she told me that she’d try to make it. I didn’t really expect her to make it, and didn’t even want her to be there anyway because my mom, dad, and sister were going to be there. After the show she texted me an “Oops” for missing the show, I told her to make it up to me later. A couple of hours later I text her to try to get together:

H: What are ou up to?

FI: Just got back into rye, so tired.

H: You’re not very good at this whole let’s get together thing, huh

FI: Are you telling me I’m playing hard to get?

FI: I’m just being a little coy, it’s endearing

H: You realize that if im as good as you know ill be, you still have to go back to israel on monday…

FI: You’re setting the bar pretty high for yourself

H: Just saying, yo might want to take advantage of the time you have here.

H: Also, the bar is usually pretty low to begin with.

FI: I don’t know what that means

H: It means that i will ruin you for all other men.

FI: What are you going to do to me

H: Im going to do things to you that you’ve never heard of, and probably will be begging me not to do, but are going to love

FI: Yum

H: Come back to the city

FI: I’m too tired and so hiiiiiiii

H: You know, if you have skills i might even be inclined to bring another girl into the mix

FI: It doesn’t matter if you have skills or not, I’m still going to bring another guy into the mix

H: It’s too bad submissive sluts dont set the rules

FI: Tell me what you’re going to do to me, turn me on.

H: Take a picture of yourself. You know what i want to see

FI: That’s the one thing I don’t do.

H: Lame. K well im out so im going to be social. Xome into the city tomorrow.

Two hours later, she texts me when I’m out:

FI: Ridiculously horny

H: Come into the city then

So I went out about my business. She never got back to me, whatever. Friday night around 8:30 I text her:

H: What are you up to tonight

FI: Idk yet you

H: Figuring that out right now. I definitely want to see you later though

FI: Well idk what’s going on lots of friends are in finals, we’ll see what I end up doing. May just veg

H: Veg here

H: You realize that you’re the one who texted me at 12:30 last night saying you were ridiculously horny right? You’re all talk woman

FI: Ha. I’m just staying w my parents for a week. U try it.

H: I dont see what that has to do with anything

FI: It makes me lazy!

H: Well you’re not going to have to much work. You wont even be able to move because your limbs will be tied

FI: Oh really

H: You know, say the word and ill stop bothering you

FI: I’m intrigued

H: So do something about it

FI: Ill be over around 11

And scene…

Posted in dating, sex. 9 Comments »

LR – 15 Minute Bathroom Pull

So those of you who follow me on Twitter might know that I took a 1:1 with El Topo last weekend in Las Vegas. It was an amazing experience and I can’t tell you how much I learned. I’ll be writing a review shortly, but for now here’s my lay report for one of the nights.

Saturday night was a night that was all about working on transitioning into comfort game from attraction using push-pull, cold reading and baiting. It is interesting because this is something that El Topo is fucking amazing at, and I’ve seen him doing it all weekend, but I still wasn’t sure I could pull it off until a couple of hours before when we did some improv role play exercises.

We started off the night at Cathouse. El Topo knows some sorority girls who got free bottle service there and brought us along for the ride. I was still unsure about running what we had been practicing because a lot of it starts off with a cold-read neg that you then have to recover from, and I was afraid that if I didn’t recover well it would be awkward for us to sit there and continue taking their free booze. Anyway, El Topo told me not to even worry about it and just go for it anyway.

I stacked a couple of stories that didn’t really hit, but no one got offended either. I guess it’s kind of like everything else in pick-up, the worst that can happen is that she’s just not that into you, rarely will she throw her drink at you or slap you across the face. Anyway, after doing it a couple of times with the one girl, I felt a lot more confident in the rhythm and there was really no more apprehension about it the rest of the night.

We decide to leave the cathouse and head over to the circle bar at the Hard Rock. The last couple of nights we’ve ended up at the Hard Rock but there wasn’t really too much going on. Tonight though, there are definitely quite a few more people, and I knew that I’d be able to get a lot more practice on some pretty hot girls.

Because the Hard Rock is such a chill bar, you don’t need to really be obsessed with the 3 second rule or anything and are probably better off just picking your spot. There was this three set of two cute girls and one chubbo that kept getting approached by guys and so I just wanted it to mellow out a bit before I went in. Things weren’t really happening with that, we decided to do a lap around the bar.

I see this blond girl who seems really cute from across the bar, and it looks like a good logistic situation, i.e. I won’t be interrupting anything worth talking about. I go up to her and open her direct, and start with simple questions about where she’s from and how it’s my first time in Vegas. By this time I realize that up close she’s actually not as cute as she was from afar; her face looks like she’s done some meth or was a heavy smoker, her body wasn’t as tight as I thought, but things were going well so I figured I’d just kind of stick it out for a bit and not worry about it. It was funny because there were these two chodey guys standing right there looking totally intimidated by the way that she was feeling me as I go into some of the stuff that I had been practicing that night. Eventually one of them interjects and lets me know that she’s married to his brother, but I figured I’d just keep going because I wasn’t that into her anyway but the conversation was going well and practice was the objective. We continue talking for another 10-15 minutes and when her friend (who was the bachelorette, though cuter than the blond) gets a call from the blonde’s husband and passes the phone to the blond. I take this opportunity to eject.

Now I have a much better logistical entry into that set I was eyeing earlier. I go up to the hot blond girl and open her direct, but she’s showing a lot of disinterest, and eventually sort of walks away. I stay in and continue talking to the fat friend who tells me that the blond is married and it’s a girls’ night out. I start explaining to her how that’s cool but I wish that when I opened her friend direct she had just said that rather than being coy and back turning me. At this point the other hot one, a smokin’ brunette girl who I decided afterward was actually hotter than the blond anyway, comes in and I have license to start talking to her. Things start going pretty well when this Australian dude who had met them earlier when I was waiting out the logistics comes in and sort of breaks my rhythm a little. Anyway, things seem fine, he’s actually a really cool guy despite the fact that he’s trying to tool me, and I end up befriending him and trying to go back in with the brunette.

This part I’m not quite sure what happened but the brunette started out into me and it fizzled out at some point. El Topo said I did something awkward with my baiting where I should have leaned in to grab her and pull her into my body rather than reach out and try to pull her in. I think that it was a combination of this and the blond girl saying something to her. In any case, she ends up telling me that this Australian guy is her boyfriend which I know is complete bullshit because she had earlier made a point of telling me that she was single and the Australian guy told me he had just me them that night. Anyway, I wasn’t going to argue, so I eject.

I talk to El Topo about what went wrong in that set for a few minutes, when this cute blond girl walks by. We had seen her earlier, and she looked like she had a fun personality, although she had a really unfeminine walk which was turning me off a little. Anyway, when she walks by this time, I decide that it’s definitely time to go talk to her. We can tell she’s a little drunk by the way she’s walking, but more than that we can tell that she’s definitely DTF.  Before I go in I tell El Topo, “Dude, I am definitely going to fuck that girl tonight.” She’s there with two friends, so I open her direct and quickly back turn her friends and break her off from the group. I’m giving off a really sexual vibe with my body language and as I run some of the stuff I’ve been practicing, I realize that even though I’m going for resistance and recovery, she’s giving me none, so I just keep going.

She has these tattoos of 5 big stars that arc under her belly button and partially disappear into her jeans, and another tattoo on her wrist. I look at the tattoo on her wrist, and say, “Jesus woman how many tattoos do you have? I love this one… these too (as I run my fingers along her g-line and over her tattoos). She tells me that she only has those tattoos, but she has her nipples pierced. I tell her that I want to feel the piercings and start groping her boobs, but can’t feel the piercings. I tell her I have to take a look, and pull down her shirt so I can see them. I tell her that they are so fucking sexy and how she’s a bad girl and making me think bad thoughts. I tell her that I’m trying really hard not to kiss her, and then go in for the make out.

This girl is a fucking horrible kisser. Maybe the worst kisser I have ever kissed. She opens her mouth as wide as possible like T-Rex style like she’s trying to eat my face. She also has garlicky breath, which is turning me off big time, and ends up being a major factor later when I’m fucking her. Either way, I tell her that I want to do horrible things to her, and start screening for logistics. At this point I’ve been maybe talking to her for 10 minutes. She says that she can’t leave her friends, fucking lame, but whatever. I say, “Let’s go to the bathroom.” She starts questioning it, but I grab her and start taking her. At this point her friend comes in and asks where we’re going. “Oh we’re just going to get a drink” I say, although it makes no sense because we’re at the bar and going away from it. The friend tells the girl that I’m cute, and she makes me pinky swear that I’ll bring her friend back. I look at my watch, it’s 3:05, and I tell her I’ll bring her back by 3:20. We go.

As we’re going into the bathroom, I ask a guy coming out of there’s a bathroom attendant. There isn’t, sweet. We go into a stall and she knows the score. No resistance whatsoever. She pulls down her pants and bends over. Now even though I’m trying to fuck her, I’m actually really not turned on by her because of the shitty kissing and bad breath and I end up not really getting very hard. I start fucking her anyway expecting that I’ll stiffen up, and I do for a bit, but then I start to go down again. She tells me I have whiskey dick and I don’t disagree even though that’s really not the reason. I sit on the toilet and she starts giving me head. She’s actually not bad at it, even though most girls fucking suck at it. I get hard again and she climbs on top of me. She starts bouncing up and down really hard and does so for like 5 minutes, before saying that she’s tired. Now she’s still on my lap with me inside her, and I am kissing her on her neck and sucking her nipples just because. She starts fucking again for a bit, but then decides that we’re both too drunk to get off. I tell her it’s cool, but let’s try again tomorrow when we’re sober (and I can give her gum if her breath is bad again). I tell her that I have an extra ticket to Cirque de Soleil and I want her to come, then afterward we can go back to my room and have some real fun. She agrees, and things are good. Before we leave, I tell her that I want to take a picture of her, and pull out my camera and do it.

We leave the stall, there’s this black guy standing there looking at me jealously. Actually we were getting all kinds of weird looks from guys, probably because there’s a hot girl in the men’s bathroom. I wash my hands, she fixes her hair, and we leave to find her friends. Afterward, El Topo and I go for pancakes and debrief.


Posted in sex. 13 Comments »

I want DD

The Dateable Dork hasn’t gotten laid in around 6 months or so, which is kind of hard to believe considering that she seems pretty cute and has a fun little attitude that I think would appeal to most guys. I have offered countless times to help her out with that dry spell, but she seems to have something against meeting people through the blog.

Anyway, for the sake of going into her next dates with a clear (non-desperate for cock) head, I would like to PUBLICLY volunteer my services. What do you guys think?

Posted in dating, sex. 4 Comments »